“What do you call cream cheese with paprika?”/“Pap schmear.”
A “pap smear” has nothing to do with a “schmear” (or “shmear”), but there are jokes. Sometimes the “pap” stands for “papaya,” “paprika” or “papa.”
“Top Ten Noah’s Bagels Shmears: 10. Pap shmear” was posted on the newsgroup ucb.org.squelch on May 8, 1994. “Dr. Papanicolaou is remembered daily in the Cornell School of Medicine Cafeteria. The ‘Pap Schmear’, cream cheese on bagel, is a top seller” was posted on the newsgroup alt.bitch.pork on January 4, 2003.
“The worst spread for a bagel has to be the pap shmear” was posted on Twitter by Hashtag You’re It on June 24, 2011. “Worst cream cheese topping: pap schmear” was posted on Twitter by Danny L on March 3, 2013. “Pap schmear - the worst @EinsteinBros cream cheese” was posted on Twitter by “A spaceperson” on October 9, 2013. “Pap shmear is the worst cream cheese flavor” was posted on Twitter by Chuck Florist on May 19, 2014. “Least popular cream cheese flavor: Pap Schmear” was posted on Twitter by Hapless Dark Star on May 10, 2015.
“Pap Shmear, one of the lesser known bagel toppings in New York” was posted on Twitter by snipe, vaxxed chodeblossom on May 12, 2014.
“Hey @EinsteinBros, million dollar idea: papaya-flavored bagel spread called ‘pap schmear’” was posted on Twitter by clank on April 22, 2013. “I want to launch a papaya spread at Einstein’s and call it the pap shmear” was posted on Twitter by Tyler on May 5, 2015. “Idea: cream cheese infused with papaya.. call it Pap Schmear” was posted on Twitter by clinton john obvi on February 28, 2019. “Wait… you’re saying that a pap schmear isn’t something for a bagel??? I thought it was some new Papaya cream cheese spread!!” was posted on Twitter by Ken 4 President 2024 on May 8, 2019. “I invented papaya flavored cream cheese. I call it ‘Pap Schmear’” was posted on Twitter by MRJOKEbot (WORK IN PROGRESS) on July 10, 2021.
“I manage at a restaurant and bar and we have a mushrooms swiss burger that comes with paprika sour cream on it. When people don’t want it on there I ask ‘So no pap schmear then?’” was posted on Twitter by Todd Rackham on November 16, 2017. “we made paprika cream cheese today n when i suggested calling it ‘Pap schmear’ my boss immediately beat me to death” was posted on Twitter by carly gay jepsen on July 11, 2020. “Einstein’s is coming out with a new paprika seasoned cream cheese called the pap shmear” was posted on Twitter by lisa pizza on November 2, 2020. “Moving back to NYC solely to open a bagel place selling paprika cream cheese on your bagel as a ‘Pap Schmear’” was posted on Twitter by “louder and boringer, llc” on May 11, 2021. “Good idea: smoked paprika cream cheese spread Bad idea: calling it pap schmear” was posted on Twitter by The Homoschedastic Agenda on June 8, 2021. “Pap Schmear: Paprika cream cheese” was posted on Twitter by Defund Police on September 28, 2021. “What do you call cream cheese with paprika? Pap Schmear” was posted on Reddit—3amjokes on December 26, 2021.
“Every January I take my grandfather out for bagels and cream cheese now that I know how important it is to get an annual pap schmear” was posted on Twitter by LHO Jr on January 5, 2015. “When your Southern Jewish grandpa gives you cream cheese for your bagel, is that a Pap Schmear?” was posted on Twitter by “rbg ivermectin endorsement deepfake” on November 13, 2019. “My grandfather makes his own cream cheese.. it’s called Pap Schmear” was posted on Twitter by Robert Quinn on July 9, 2020. “My grandfather used to make the best cream cheese. Growing up, their was nothing better than a Pap schmear” was posted on Twitter by Punky Booster on December 7, 2021.
Wikipedia: Schmear
Schmear is a word of Germanic origin, equivalent to ‘smear’ or ‘spread’ (usually fat or butter). In some Germanic languages, the cognate of smear itself means butter.
The use and spelling of schmear or shmear in American English is a direct loanword from Yiddish, where its original usage referred to cheese. In modern usage it has extended to anything that can be spread, such as cream cheese spread upon a bagel.
Wikipedia: Pap test
The Papanicolaou test (abbreviated as Pap test, also known as Pap smear (AE), cervical smear (BE), cervical screening (BE), or smear test (BE)) is a method of cervical screening used to detect potentially precancerous and cancerous processes in the cervix (opening of the uterus or womb) or colon (in both men and women). Abnormal findings are often followed up by more sensitive diagnostic procedures and, if warranted, interventions that aim to prevent progression to cervical cancer
Google Groups: ucb.org.squelch
ARTICLE: Top Ten Lists
Keith Robert Hertzer
May 8, 1994, 11:16:25 PM
(...)
Top Ten Noah’s Bagels Shmears:
10. Pap shmear
Google Groups: alt.bitch.pork
Q: Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?
KirstenAge12
Jan 4, 2003, 4:27:48 PM
(...)
Dr. Papanicolaou is remembered daily in the Cornell School of Medicine Cafeteria.
The “Pap Schmear”, cream cheese on bagel, is a top seller.
The cream cheese can be no thinner than 3/8 of an inch and no thicker than 3/4 of an inch.
Twitter
Jocelyn Lederman
@jocelynlederman
I’m going to make a new cream cheese and call it “Pap Schmear.” What do you think?
10:30 PM · Jun 2, 2009·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Dean Landsman
@DeanLand
Heh! RT @dalecruse: If Red Sox reliever Jonathon Papelbon had his own signature breakfast bagel sandwich, would it be called the Pap Shmear?
6:55 PM · Aug 28, 2009·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
caustic
@_caustic_
Einstein Bagel’s insurance plan allows for yearly Pap Shmear’s.
12:58 PM · Dec 9, 2010·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Hashtag You’re It
@kwoolery73
The worst spread for a bagel has to be the pap shmear.
2:24 AM · Jun 24, 2011·Twitter for Android
Twitter
Bryan Lambe
@DigDugMaster
A gynecologist should open up a bagel place and call it “Pap Shmear”
12:09 PM · Jul 3, 2012·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Danny L
@dandaman_PharmD
Worst cream cheese topping: pap schmear.
8:06 PM · Mar 3, 2013·Echofon
Twitter
Rand
@RandGM
I’m generally a fan of Einstein Bagels but I have reservations about their latest flavored cream cheese: Pap Schmear.
9:44 AM · Mar 6, 2013·Tweetbot for iOS
Twitter
clank
@clankbot
Hey @EinsteinBros, million dollar idea: papaya-flavored bagel spread called “pap schmear”
11:57 AM · Apr 22, 2013·erased4113706
Twitter
Bad Business Puns
@BizzyPundit
Women’s health clinic and bagelry: Pap Shmear
4:56 AM · Jul 17, 2013·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Aaron the Baron
@AaronMichael_
“Pap shmear” - a test Jewish women undergo at delis.
3:34 PM · Aug 18, 2013·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
A spaceperson
@rented_mule77
Pap schmear - the worst @EinsteinBros cream cheese
3:20 PM · Oct 9, 2013·Twitter for iPhone
Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/portezbie November 10, 2013
What do Jewish women get when they go to the gynecologist?
A pap schmear.
Twitter
AP
@alytheman
Pap shmear is the most awful option at Einstein Bros Bagels. Easy to confuse I know.
8:22 PM · Nov 14, 2013·Twitter for Android
Twitter
Joshua Adam Ames
@JoshuAmes
What does the Jewish OBGYN put on his bagel? Pap shmear.
2:16 PM · Mar 25, 2014·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
snipe, vaxxed chodeblossom ⭑⭒⭒⭒⭒
@snipeyhead
Pap Shmear, one of the lesser known bagel toppings in New York
2:30 AM · May 12, 2014·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Chuck Florist
@FunnyRandom
Pap shmear is the worst cream cheese flavor.
2:38 PM · May 19, 2014·Twitter for Android
Twitter
shmekie
@shmekie
Pap Schmear: when a nice Jewish lady puts cream cheese on your bagel
11:25 AM · May 26, 2014·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
LHO Jr
@TimDevine
Every January I take my grandfather out for bagels and cream cheese now that I know how important it is to get an annual pap schmear
5:36 PM · Jan 5, 2015·Twitter for iPhone
Reddit—Shittyaskscience
Posted by u/Anal_Abscess March 31, 2015
Do Jewish women need to get pap schmears?
Not sure if regular ones are kosher…
Twitter
Tyler
@ttttttyler
I want to launch a papaya spread at Einstein’s and call it the pap shmear
6:45 PM · May 5, 2015·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Hapless Dark Star
@ColdDimSum
Least popular cream cheese flavor: Pap Schmear #ShitMyGFSays @GoddessBurstall
11:14 AM · May 10, 2015·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Eileen Tomarchio
@EileenTomarchio
Mr. Papadopoulos hated the staff’s re-naming of his signature bagel and roasted red pepper cream cheese combo: The Pap Schmear. #1linewed
9:02 AM · Feb 24, 2016·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Tiny Dinky Daffy
@TheRealPoultra
New Einstein’s Bagels cream cheese: The Pap Shmear
6:57 PM · Apr 24, 2017·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Pumpkinley
@McKillmey
Einstein’s new cream cheese: Pap Schmear
8:12 PM · Jun 12, 2017·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Todd Rackham
@wearebutghosts
Replying to @molotovctease69
I manage at a restaurant and bar and we have a mushrooms swiss burger that comes with paprika sour cream on it. When people don’t want it on there I ask “So no pap schmear then?”
11:54 PM · Nov 16, 2017·Twitter for Android
Reddit—Dadjokes
Posted by u/davidtheday November 24, 2017
You hear about the new OB/GYN bagel shop?
It’s called the Pap Schmear.
Twitter
Taureigh
@Tori_Mann13
is a pap smear in New York called a pap shmear ?
6:29 PM · Feb 26, 2018·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
Barrett Grindinger
@grindinger
einstein’s order: plain bagel with a pap shmear
1:16 PM · Jan 7, 2019·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
R*cco’s posting their W’s
@imbabydaisy
Einstein Bros Bagels just revealed their newest cream cheese flavor: pap schmear
9:20 PM · Jan 14, 2019·Twitter Web App
Twitter
clinton john obvi
@clintonjohn__
Idea: cream cheese infused with papaya.. call it Pap Schmear
8:12 PM · Feb 28, 2019·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Ken 4 President 2024
@KenHeaston
Replying to @Communism_Kills@dougstafford and 2 others
Wait… you’re saying that a pap schmear isn’t something for a bagel??? I thought it was some new Papaya cream cheese spread!! Was looking forward to giving it a try! lol
4:00 PM · May 8, 2019·Twitter Web Client
Twitter
rbg ivermectin endorsement deepfake
@bile_keurig
When your Southern Jewish grandpa gives you cream cheese for your bagel, is that a Pap Schmear?
11:44 AM · Nov 13, 2019·Twitter for iPhone
Reddit—Bandnames
Posted by u/Banjomancfb November 24, 2019
Pap Schmear
Twitter
Robert Quinn
@trumanquinn
My grandfather makes his own cream cheese.. it’s called Pap Schmear
9:17 PM · Jul 9, 2020·Twitter for iPad
Twitter
carly gay jepsen
@SamBovard
we made paprika cream cheese today n when i suggested calling it “Pap schmear” my boss immediately beat me to death
11:26 AM · Jul 11, 2020·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
tal
@showandtal
Opening a combination gyno-bagel store & calling it Pap Shmear
10:49 PM · Aug 10, 2020·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
lisa pizza
@sixteenburritos
Einstein’s is coming out with a new paprika seasoned cream cheese called the pap shmear
9:03 PM · Nov 2, 2020·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
todd bonzalez
@doinkpatrol
if someone put their placenta on a bagel they could call it a pap shmear
8:39 PM · Dec 26, 2020·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
louder and boringer, llc
@loudandboring
Moving back to NYC solely to open a bagel place selling paprika cream cheese on your bagel as a “Pap Schmear,” going out of business 42 minutes after opening and blaming Mayor Andrew Yang’s $31.46 a month in Dogecoin UBI program run by Chase for a 100% commission.
3:28 PM · May 11, 2021·Twitter for Android
Twitter
Annam in STEM ☻
@AnnamLaughs
grabbing a bagel on your way back from the obgyn, call that a pap shmear
9:46 PM · May 11, 2021·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
The Homoschedastic Agenda
@Darth_Vadose
Good idea: smoked paprika cream cheese spread
Bad idea: calling it pap schmear
10:37 AM · Jun 8, 2021·Twitter for Android
Twitter
MRJOKEbot (WORK IN PROGRESS)
@MRJOKEBOT
Replying to @Peggy_Guineapig and @bebe_f_t
I invented papaya flavored cream cheese.
I call it “Pap Schmear”.
10:15 AM · Jul 10, 2021·futball_bot
Twitter
David really is
@dscroxton84
Putting paprika in my cream cheese - call that a pap schmear
12:33 PM · Aug 3, 2021·Twitter for Android
Twitter
Patches
@mostly_cheese
I call it pap schmear
(“Smoked Paprika Cream Cheese Spread” is shown.—ed.)
3:43 PM · Sep 12, 2021·Twitter for iPhone
Reddit—Shittyideas
Posted by u/van_Vanvan September 13, 2021
Einstein bagel spread flavor named pap shmear
Twitter
Defund Police
@chrisnavroski
CBA Bagel ideas
Spread Eagle: a whole spatchcocked turkey on an onion roll
Snakes on a plain: (speaks for itself)
Pap Schmear: Paprika cream cheese
12:02 AM · Sep 28, 2021·Twitter for iPhone
Twitter
Punky Booster
@PeaSeaFour
Replying to @PerkinsCally and @MatthewFoldi
My grandfather used to make the best cream cheese. Growing up, their was nothing better than a Pap schmear.
9:53 AM · Dec 7, 2021·Twitter for iPhone
Reddit—3amjokes
Posted by u/RandyQuaalude420 December 26, 2021
What do you call cream cheese with paprika?
Pap Schmear