Texas Three-Kick Rule (lawyer joke)

Texas does not have a “three-kick rule.” The internet-popular joke has it that some big-city California (or New York City) lawyer is duck hunting in East Texas, and…well, see below for the rest.
 
It’s been called the Texas Three Kick Rule, Louisiana Three Kick Rule, Arizona Three Kick Rule, Montana Three Kick Rule, Minnesota Three Kick Rule, Tennessee Three Kick Rule, and the “three kick rule” of a lot of other places. The joke dates from the 1990s.
   
 
Laughing at Lawyers
A hotshot New York City lawyer went duck hunting down in South Texas. Before long, the lawyer shoots and drops a bird, but it falls into a farmer’s field on the other side of the fence. As the lawyer begins to climb over the fence, an elderly farmer drives up on his tractor and asks the lawyer what in the blue blazes he thinks he is doing. The lawyer responds, “I shot a duck and it fell in this field and now I’m going to retrieve it.”
 
The old codger replied, “You better hold your horses there sonny. This is my property and you’re not coming over here.”
 
The lawyer, more than a bit miffed at the old farmer’s gruff attitude, responded, “Look old timer, I’m one of the best trial lawyers in America and if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take you to the cleaners.”
 
The farmer smiles at the lawyer and says, “Apparently you don’t know how we do things down here in Texas. We settle disagreements like this with the Texas three kick rule.”
 
The lawyer asks, “What in the heck is the Texas three kick rule?”
 
“Well,” says the farmer, “first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.”
 
The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the farmer and agreed to abide by the local custom. The farmer then slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked over to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped the lawyer to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the lawyer’s nose off of his face. The lawyer was now flat on his back when the farmer’s third kick to the kidney nearly caused the lawyer to give up. The lawyer then summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot, now it’s my turn.”

To which the old farmer coolly replied, “No, I give up. You can have the duck.”
     
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From: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) (GWLucky)
Date: 1997/12/16
Subject: Montana Three Kick Rule    
 
Johnny Cochran was duck hunting in Montana recently, when he attempted to cross a fence into a field to retrieve a duck he had shot. A farmer suddenly pulled up in his pick-up truck, jumped out, and asked Mr. Cochran what he was doing on his property. “Retrieving this duck that I just shot”, he replied.
 
“That duck is on my side of the fence, so now it’s mine,” replied the farmer.
 
Mr. Cochran asked the farmer if he recognized who he was talking to. “No”, replied the farmer, “I don’t know, and I don’t care.”
 
“I am Johnny Cochran, famous lawyer from Los Angeles”, came the reply. “I am the lawyer that got O.J. Simpson off. I’m the reason he is a free man today. And if you don’t let me get that duck, I can sue you for your farm, your truck, and everything else you own. I’ll leave you penniless on the street.”
 
“Well,” said the farmer, “In Montana the only law we go by is the ‘3 kicks law’.”
 
“Never heard of it”, said Johnny.
 
The farmer said, “I get to kick you 3 times, and if you make it back to your feet and are able to kick me back 3 times, that duck is yours”.
 
Cochran thought this over. He grew up in a tough neighborhood and figured he could take this old farmer. “Fair enough”, he said.
 
So the farmer kicked Johnny violently in the groin. As he was doubling over, the farmer kicked him in the face, and when he hit the ground, he kicked him hard in the ribs. After several moments, Johnny slowly made it back to his feet. “Alright, now it’s my turn”, said Johnny.
 
“Aw, forget it”, said the farmer. “You can have the duck.”
   
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From: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) (Fullhousenspades)
Date: 2000/07/07
Subject: Texas Three Kick Rule(Oldie but goodie)
 
Texas Three Kick Rule

A big-city, California, lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas.
 
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence.
 
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.”

The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.”
 
The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.”

The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick Rule.”
 
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?”
 
The Farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.
 
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees.  His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up.
 
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “Okay, you old coot!  Now, it’s my turn!”
 
The old farmer smiled and said, “No, I give up.  You can have the duck!”
 
Google Books
East Texans Love To Talk
by Matthew Bonnet
Xlibris Corporation
2001
Pg. 50:
“Well, Mr. Lawyer. Obviously you don’t know how we do things here in East Texas. When two men have a situation like this, we solve it with the Three Kick Rule.”
   
Google Books
Best Lawyer Jokes Ever
by Sterling Publishing Company
New York
2003
Pg. 84:
“What is the Arizona Three Kick Rule?”
 
Google Books
Top Secret Missions
by John E. Malone
Victoria, BC: Trafford Publishing
2003
Pg. 252:
The lawyer asked, “What is the Texas Three-Kick Rule?”
   
Google Books
A Collection of Jokes and Funny Stories from the Internet!
by Marvin Lebman
Victoria, BC: Trafford Publishing
2004
Pg. 284:
“What is the Tennessee Three-Kick Rule?” 
   
Southern Maryland Community Forums
DoWhat
06-16-2004, 09:38 AM
(...)
The lawyer asked, “What is the Louisiana Three Kick Rule?”
     
Senior Citizen Humor Blog
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Texas Three Kick Rule
A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence…. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, “I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I’m going to retrieve it.” The old farmer replied, “This is my property, and you are not coming over here.” The indignant lawyer said, “I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don’t let me get that duck, I’ll sue you and take everything you own.” The old farmer smiled and said, “Apparently, you don’t know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule.” The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?.” The farmer replied, “Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up.” The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the city feller. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer’s groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man’s nose off his face. The barrister was flat on this belly when the farmer’s third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, “OK, you old coot! now, it’s my turn.” The old farmer smiled and said, “No I give up, you can have the duck.