“Someone killed my lentils. I couldn’t find a pulse”
A “pulse” can mean a palpable beat of an artery, and a “pulse” can also mean an edible seed of the legume family. A joke confuses the two meanings.
“*working in supermarket* Shopper collapses. Quick, find a pulse! *me returning from lentil aisle* Now what?” was posted on X/Twitter by Mark Summers on September 28, 2019. “A man collapsed in the lentil aisle of a local supermarket today. Fortunately, when paramedics arrived they found a pulse…” was posted on Facebook by Jonathan Deakin on December 7, 2020. “Someone killed my lentils. I couldn’t find a pulse” was posted on Facebook and X/Twitter by Peter Hale on June 4, 2023.
Merriam-Webster Dictionary
pulse
noun (1)
1a
: the regular expansion of an artery caused by the ejection of blood into the arterial system by the contractions of the heart
1b
: the palpable beat resulting from such pulse as detected in a superficial artery
also : the number of individual beats in a specified time period (such as one minute)
(...)
pulse
noun (2)
: the edible seeds of various crops (such as peas, beans, or lentils) of the legume family
Wikipedia: Lentil
The lentil (Vicia lens or Lens culinaris) is an annual legume grown for its lens-shaped edible seeds or pulses, also called lentils. It is about 40 cm (16 in) tall, and the seeds grow in pods, usually with two seeds in each.
Lentil seeds are used around the world for culinary purposes, most commonly in stews or soups.
X/Twitter
Mark Summers
@markysumm
*working in supermarket*
Shopper collapses.
Quick, find a pulse!
*me returning from lentil aisle*
Now what?
12:09 PM · Sep 28, 2019
Facebook
cucumber ·
Jonathan Deakin ·
December 7, 2020 at 5:05 PM ·
FAUX NEWS!
A man collapsed in the lentil aisle of a local supermarket today. Fortunately, when paramedics arrived they found a pulse…
Reddit—Jokes
VERBERD—December 8, 2020
A man collapsed in the lentil aisle at my local supermarket.
Fortunately, when the paramedics arrived, they found a pulse.
X/Twitter
Parvaze Bashir - Habitual line stepper
@Parvaze__B
A man collapsed in the lentil aisle at my local supermarket.
Fortunately, when the paramedics arrived, they found a pulse.
4:02 PM · Mar 19, 2021
Facebook
Peter Hale
June 4, 2023 at 5:31 PM ·
Someone killed my lentils. I couldn’t find a pulse.
X/Twitter
Peter Hale
@petervhale
Someone killed my lentils. I couldn’t find a pulse.
5:32 PM · Jun 4, 2023
Facebook
Mallon AgCommodities
January 22, 2024 at 2:00 PM ·
Last week, a man collapsed in the Lentil aisle of the local supermarket.
Fortunately when the paramedics arrived, they found a pulse!
#commodityoftheweek
X/Twitter
💙💛 T🅰️YL🅾️R 💛💙
@LeedSTUnited
My Uncle was found unconscious at the lentil processing factory. Thankfully it didn’t take the paramedics long to find a pulse!
1:15 PM · Apr 18, 2024
Facebook
Farley David
August 13, 2025 at 2:54 PM ·
The lentil counter in Tesco was not only empty but it was also dead. I just couldn’t find a pulse!
Facebook
Home Groan Puns
Tom McGuirk ·
April 4, 2026 at 2:42 PM ·
I collapsed in the lentil aisle at the supermarket; thankfully, the paramedics found a pulse
Facebook
Dominic O’Sullivan
July 15, 2026 at 12:46 AM ·
My uncle Dave was found unconscious at the Lentil processing factory, thankfully it didn’t take the paramedics long to find a pulse..
X/Twitter
Robert Wilkinson
@robertwlk
A man collapsed in the lentil processing factory.
A spokesperson said the paramedic quickly found a pulse.
12:07 PM · Jul 19, 2026