Month 07—July

The following words or phrases are about July:
 
JULY
“Dear Summer, stop showing off. We get it. You’re hot”
“Dear Weather, stop showing off. We get it. You’re hot”
“Every summer has a story”
“Every summer has its own story (but mine is a novel)”
“Friends, sun, sand, and sea—that sounds like a summer to me”
“I’m thinking about joining the cicadas this summer & screaming constantly”
“It’s that time of year where people will say, ‘It’s too hot for coffee‘“
“It’s unsticking your thighs from plastic chairs season”
“June is almost over? Julying”
“June is over already? Julying”
“June over? Julying”
“June’s over? Julying”
“July is a blind date with summer”
“July is like the Saturday of summer”
“Less Monday, more summer”
“Less Mondays, more summer”
“Live every day like it’s a summer Friday”
“Live every day like it’s summer Friday”
“Live every Friday like it’s a summer Friday”
“Might join the cicadas this summer & scream constantly”
“Sorry for anything I said when it was 109° outside”
“Summer is here. It’s a hundred and fuck you outside” (very hot)
“Summer means about three months of no school shootings”
“Summer nights and ballpark lights”
“Summer nights and bonfire lights”
“Summer should get a speeding ticket”
“Summertime is always the best of what might be”
“The only man worth chasing this summer is the ice cream man”
“There are three good reasons to be a teacher: June, July and August”
“You said you liked month puns. Why July to me?”
“You’re like school in July—no class”
Cowboy Christmas (July rodeo season)
 
JULY 1 (Canada Day)
“Drink Canada Dry” (joke)
“Edmonton is to Calgary as Austin is to Houston”
“What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common”” (hockey joke)
“Why did the Canadian cross the road?”/“To get to the middle.”
All Dressed Bagel
Canuck (Johnny Canuck)
Disco Fries (American version of “Poutine”)
Plattsburgh: Montreal’s U.S. Airport (Plattsburgh International Airport nickname)
Reformicon (reform conservative)
Reformocon (reform conservative)
The Other Big Apple (Meaford, Ontario nickname)
Timmy Ho’s (Tim Hortons nickname)
Welfare Wednesday (Food Stamp Friday)
 
JULY 4 (Independence Day)
“All of those anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens”
“All these anti-gun people are celebrating a day won by armed citizens”
“Bold stripes, bright stars, brave hearts”
“Celebrate your freedom this 4th of July by stopping by a government checkpoint”
“Enjoy your holiday provided to you by armed Americans”
“Fourth of July weekend is when we finally get to play our favorite American guessing game, Firework or Gunshot!”
“Grandpa leapt around in his undies on the 4th. It was his In-Depends-Dance Day”
“Hope they allow us off lockdown by July 4th, so we can celebrate our freedom”
“Hotter than a firecracker on the Fourth of July” (very hot)
“Hotter than noon on the Fourth of July” (very hot)
“Hotter than the Fourth of July” (very hot)
“I’m not drunk, I’m patriotic”
“If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end it would be the Fourth of July”
“If it involves fireworks, summer nights, barbecues, beer, and freedom, count me in”
“Independence Day—celebrating the country by blowing up a small part of it”
“It’s July 8th and people are still shooting off fireworks. One almost caught our Christmas tree”
“It’s not the 4th of July until my weiner comes out”
“It’s not the 4th of July until my wiener comes out”
“Knee-high by the Fourth of July” (corn-growing adage)
“My neighbors with the fireworks celebrate the twelve days of July 4th”
“Prune roses before Presidents Day and azaleas before the Fourth of July”
“Remember kids, don’t play with fireworks. Leave it to the adults who have been drinking”
“Republicans believe every day is the Fourth of July; Democrats believe every day is April 15th”
“Some people enjoy a day off on the 4th of July, but not fire. Fire works”
“The team in first on July 4th will win the pennant” (baseball adage)
“The USA became the land of the free because regular citizens had military-grade weapons”
“There’s a certain irony to getting married on Independence Day”
“This holiday was made possible by citizens with guns”
“Treason is the reason for the season” (Independence Day)
“What do you call an American drawing?”/“A Yankee Doodle.”
“What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?”/“Fire crackers.”
“Who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth may not come forth on the fifth”
“Why don’t white people work on the fourth of July?”/“Because they firecrackers on that day!”
“You’re celebrating today because regular citizens had military grade weapons”
“You’re not a firework. Don’t drive lit”
Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest
 
JULY 5
“Summer begins on the 5th of July in Portland”
 
JULY 11
“Today’s date is 7/11, which is convenient”