"Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you…

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes” is a saying that has been printed on many images. Authorship is uncertain.

“Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it comes to the end, the faster it runs out” was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor (in a list of sayings like the famous one from the movie Forest Gump, “Life is like a box of chocolates —you never know what you’re going to get”) on December 16, 1994. “LIFE IS LIKE (...) ... a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end the faster it goes” was posted on the newsgroup rec.humor on September 23, 1995.

“I’ve learned….that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes” was posted on the newsgroup alt.penpals.forty-plus-yrs (in an “I’ve learned” list) on September 20, 1999. “I’ve learned…that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes” was posted on the newsgroup alt.romance.chat (“Words of wisdom from Andy Rooney”) on May 7, 2000. American humorist Andy Rooney (1919-2011) is often credited with the saying, but it was cited in print before 2000—and it’s not certain that the sayings credited to him in 2000 are his, either.

Google Groups: rec.humor
/// Forest Gumpism: LIFE IS LIKE ...
26 posts by 24 authors

Hooked on music
12/16/94
Let’s see how creative and funny you guys are. Remember that famous line from Forest Gump “Life is like a box of choco-late”? Well, can you come up with better ones than that?

I’ll start:

Life is like a vacuum cleaner. It sucks too.

Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer it comes to the end, the faster it runs out.

Google Groups: rec.humor
Life is like…
J Frier
3/30/95
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The shorter it gets, the faster it runs out.

Google Groups: rec.humor
life is like a fountain… (good joke)
Bienvenu Jay
9/23/95
(...)
From the Unofficial Canonical List of “Life is Like” Statements:

LIFE IS LIKE…

... cafeteria food: You never know what you’re going to get, and sometimes what you get is pretty disgusting. —Jay Bienvenu

... a roll of toilet paper, the closer it gets to the end the faster it goes.—Sir Leto (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)) ...and the darker it becomes. 😊—Brian J. Dooley (.(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address))

Newspapers.com
12 December 1996, Breese (IL) Journal, “Sam’s Song,” pg. 5B, col. 5:
Moaning about time passes faster as you grow older, brother Bill reminded me “life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer to the end it gets, the faster it goes.”

Google Books
It Don’t Get Much Better Than this: Cazzy’s Corner:
A Collection of Articles and Embellishments about Loveable Luke and Other Tall Tales from Oconomowoc, Wisconsin
By Dave Caswell
Oconomowoc, WI: Dave Caswell
1996
Pg. ?:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper—the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Google Groups: alt.penpals.forty-plus-yrs
That process ...
judithann
9/20/99
(...)
I’ve learned….that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end,the faster it goes.

21 November 1999, Savannah (GA) Morning News, “Vox Populi,” pg. 1E:
’‘Since I’ve retired, I have discovered that life is like a roll of toilet paper—the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.’‘

Google Groups: alt.romance.chat
I learned
enialle
5/7/00
Words of wisdom from Andy Rooney
(...)
I’ve learned…
that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Newspapers.com
8 July 2000, The Reporter-Times (Martinsville, IN), “Hall News” by Mrs. Joe Clymer, pg. 5, col. 4:
In closing, here are some words of wisdom from an article by Andy Rooney, in which he listed some of the things he’s learned over his lifetime. “I’ve learned that being kind is more important that being right; that we should be glad God doesn’t give us everything we ask for; that life is like a roll of toilet paper: the closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.”

Google Groups: alt.quotations
A thought from Andy Rooney
The Sanity Inspector
8/22/00
(...)
I’ve learned….that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end,the faster it goes.

Google Groups: rec.humor.jewish
Puns of the Weak 10/12/0]
Stan Kegel
10/14/01
(...)
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. (Jamie/ Crazie.net)

Google Groups: alt.society.zeitgeist
Thought for Today
Blues Ma
7/26/02
Life is like a roll of toilet paper.
The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.

Google Books
Matters That Matter:
4,000 Notable Quotables and 900 Relevant Subject Topics Guaranteed to Fertilze Your Mind and Cultivate Your Life
By Daniel Taddeo
Airleaf
2006
Pg. 196:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes. -Andy Rooney

Twitter
Stephen Nolen
@Protowrxs
“Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the close to end you get the faster it goes” - Andy Rooney #andyrooney
11:08 AM · Mar 28, 2009·Twitter Web Client

Twitter
Bob RJ Abrams
@RJ1340
Life is like a roll of toilet paper: The close you get to the end, the faster it goes.
8:10 PM · Apr 29, 2009·Twitter Web Client

Google Books
The Gift of Age:
Wit and Wisdom, Information and Inspiration for the Chronologically Endowed, and Those Who Will Be
By Richard Lederer
Portland, OR: Marion Street Press
2011
Pg. 95:
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes.–Author Unknown

Reddit—Jokes
Posted by u/Bernierx October 13, 2015
Life is a lot like toilet paper.
You’re either on a roll…..or you’re taking shit from some asshole.

Reddit—Showerthoughts
Posted by u/bigaltheterp August 22, 2017
Life is like a roll of toilet paper, the closer you get to the end the faster it goes

Reddit—Showerthoughts
Posted by u/DJMaxVB January 17, 2018
Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes. And when you get to the end, you better be done with your shit.