“Decaffeinated coffee: It’s useless brown water”
Many people do not like decaf (decaffeinated coffee), and David Letterman (television host of Late Night with David Letterman) was one of them. On his show in 2000, he joked “Decaffeinated coffee: It’s what they’re drinking in hell” and “Decaffeinated coffee: It’s useless brown water.”
“Decaf coffee? Oh, you mean brown disappointment water” was posted on X/Twitter by Don on September 13, 2019. “Fun fact: Decaf coffee is just hot disappointment in a cup. 🚫☕” was posted on Facebook by Coffee, Please on March 18, 2025. “Decaf? Oh, you mean brown disappointment” was posted on Facebook by Coffee on April 23, 2025 “Decaf coffee is just brown disappointment in a mug” was posted on Facebook by Coffee on October 12, 2026. “Decaf is just hot brown disappointment” was posted on Facebook by Coffee, Please on October 18, 2026.
“Decaf is just hot brown water with false hope. ☕” was posted on Facebook by Coffee Society on October 11, 2026. “Decaf coffee is just hot brown water with false hope” was posted on Facebook by Robert Nairne on October 14, 2026.
“Decaf coffee? You mean brown sadness water?” is a related saying.
Wikipedia: Decaffeination
Decaffeination is the removal of caffeine from coffee beans, cocoa, tea leaves, and other caffeine-containing materials. Decaffeinated products are commonly termed by the abbreviation decaf. To ensure product quality, manufacturers are required to test the newly decaffeinated coffee beans to make sure that caffeine concentration is relatively low. A caffeine content reduction of at least 97% is required under United States FDA standards.
Google Groups: alt. fan. letterman
Late Show Friday Impressions #10: What they’re drinking in hell
Bill Lehecka
Mar 3, 2000, 3:00:00 AM
Google Groups” alt.fan.letterman
The Return of Cranky Dave
PeppersGal
Mar 6, 2000, 3:00:00 AM
(...)
Decaffinated coffie, its useless warm brown water
Seattle (WA) Times
Decaf? To Letterman, not worth a spill of beans
Apr 27, 2000
Mark Rahner
Seattle Times staff reporter
“Decaffeinated coffee . . . it’s what they’re drinking in hell!”
Since he returned from quintuple bypass surgery in February, David Letterman has relentlessly dissed the offending liquid on “The Late Show,” with jingles such as the one above.
(...)
Dave’s other jingles include:
“Decaffeinated coffee . . . it’s useless warm brown water!”
“Decaffeinated coffee . . . say goodbye to the will to live!”
“Decaffeinated coffee . . . oh, boy, it sucks!”
And the lyrical, haunting, “Decaffeinated coffee . . . ewwww!”
X/Twitter
岩田リョウコ
@ilovecoffeejp
Coffee quote of the day: “Decaffeinated coffee. It’s useless warm brown water.”-David Letterman
(This is also shown on an image.—ed.)
1:25 PM · Mar 5, 2014
X/Twitter
Don
@SHTFSeries
Decaf coffee? Oh, you mean brown disappointment water.
8:01 PM · Sep 13, 2019
YouTube
Fan Request: Dave Drinks Decaf Coffee From Hell | Letterman
Letterman
Apr 15, 2022 #Letterman #FanFriday #Decaf
Fan Friday:
thekman24 writes:
“I’ve been searching for years, but I would love to see those decaffeinated coffee jingles that were played after Dave came back from the quintuple bypass and had to drink it. My favourite was ‘Say goodbye to your will to live.’ This show was my life in my late teens/20s. Absolute legend. Keep on keeping on Dave.” (From “Late Show,” air date: 3/3/00)
Bluesky
Lamarr the Strelok
@lamarrthestrelok.bsky.social
This reminds me of what Dave Letterman called decaf coffee: Useless brown water.
11:40 AM · Oct 1, 2024
Bluesky
Manuch
@manuch.bsky.social
“How about some of that hot, brown water!”
[Fan Request: Dave Drinks Decaf Coffee From Hell | Letterman
YouTube video by Letterman
youtu.be]
6:10 PM · Oct 24, 2024
Bluesky
Ross Phillips
@rossphillips.bsky.social
decaf is great because sometimes you just want a mug of hot brown water
10:48 AM · Jan 30, 2025
Facebook
Coffee, Please
March 18, 2025 at 6:00 PM ·
Fun fact: Decaf coffee is just hot disappointment in a cup. 🚫☕
(This is also shown on an image.—ed.)
Facebook
Coffee
April 23, 2025 at 6:43 PM ·
Decaf? Oh, you mean brown disappointment.
Facebook
Caryn Wolchuck
June 28, 2025 at 12:59 PM ·
In fact: Decaf coffee is just hot disappointment in a cup. #is68great
Facebook
Coffee Society
October 11, 2026 at 2:06 PM ·
Decaf is just hot brown water with false hope. ☕
Facebook
Coffee
October 12, 2026 at 3:08 AM ·
Decaf coffee is just brown disappointment in a mug.
I said what I said, and I’ll say it again after my real coffee loads.
Facebook
Robert Nairne
October 14, 2026 at 9:36 AM ·
Decaf coffee is just hot brown water with false hope
Facebook
Coffee, Please
October 18, 2026 at 9:01 AM ·
Decaf is just hot brown disappointment.
(This is also shown on an image.—ed.)
Facebook
im not right in the head.com
October 31, 2026 at 8:29 AM ·
Decaf is just hot brown disappointment.