1400+ Coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, etc., Pt. 4

The 2019–20 coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak was eventually declared to be a worldwide pandemic. Here are some associated quotes, jokes, riddles, puns, pickup lines, memes, portmanteaus, acronyms, anagrams and terms (letters T-Z). See also Part 1 (quotations, A-G), Part 2 (quotations, H-N),  Part 3 (quotations, O-S) and Part 5 (terms). Please share your results with others because this website is censored by Google.
       
       
“Take off your mask so you can smell the bullshit”
“Take the masks off. Smell the bullshit”
“Taking a girl’s mask off is the new first base”
“Taking things away from people until they say yes is not a choice”
“Teachers, remember that ANGRY mother who said she would have your job? Call her…”
“Tequila (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together”
“Thanks to Covid, my glove box is now my mask box”
“That face mask you were duped into wearing symbolizes you losing your freedom of speech”
“The 12 Days of 2020” (song parody)
“The 12 Days of Corona” (song parody)
“The 12 Days of Covid” (song parody)
“The adult version of ‘Head, shoulders, knees and toes’ is now ‘Mask, wallet, keys and phone‘“
“The best stimulus package would be a 0% income tax”
“The best vaccine is the one you can get first”
“The best vaccine is the one you can get now”
“The best vaccine is the one you can get the soonest”
“The best vaccine is the one you can get today”
“The best way to follow the science is to follow the silenced”
“The best way to stop the next pandemic is to arrest the people who started the first one”
“The buttons on my jeans have started social distancing from each other”
“The CDC just announced you can stop wearing socks with your sandals”
“The CDC says to disinfect the places that you touch the most. Don’t do it, it freaking burns!”
“The City that Never Sleeps is taking a nap” (2019–20 coronavirus pandemic)
“The coronavirus? I’m not shaking hands because people are out of toilet paper”
“The coronavirus vaccine is going to eliminate the coronavirus…”
“The coronavirus will come and go. But the government will never forget how easy…”
“The coronavirus won’t last long because it was made in China”
“The COVID19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society…” (joke)
“The Department of Health is seeking married people to educate on social distancing”
“The dots are practically almost touching each other, and people still cannot connect them”
“The dots are practically touching and some people still can’t connect them”
“The drop in fuel prices during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”
“The drop in gas prices during this lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”
“The drop in petrol price during the lockdown is like a bald man winning a hairbrush”
“The final Covid variant is called communism”
“The final variant is communism”
“The first symptom of Covid is no common sense”
“The goal of wearing masks is to not have to wear masks”
“The goalposts will keep moving as long as they know you’ll obey”
“The government is the virus. The media is how it spreads. People’s behavior is the pandemic. Common sense is the cure”
“The guy who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing his hands together right now”
“The junk drawer in now called the mask drawer”
“The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them ‘Scraps‘“
“The Lego store has finally reopened. People are lined up for blocks”
“The lockdown is getting to me. Now, when I see a nurse in a porno, I stand up and clap”
“The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to return to society where bras are required”
“The longer this goes on, the harder it’s going to be to return to society where pants are required”
“The Lysol commercial told me to disinfect the things I touch the most. This is going to burn”
“The main ingredient in hand sanitizer is paranoia”
“The media is the virus”
“The media is the virus. People’s behavior is the pandemic. Common sense is the cure”
“The moment we stop fighting for each other is the moment we lose our humanity”
“The moment we stop fighting for each other, that’s the moment that we lose our humanity”
“The moment we stop fighting for each other, that’s the moment we lose our humanity”
“The most impressive thing about Covid is how it turned a systemically racist patriarchy into a trustworthy government…”
“The Nazis had a phrase which covered all abuses by the state: ‘Für Ihre Sicherheit‘“
“The new Covid variant is communism”
“The New World Order is the real virus”
“The New World Order is the virus”
“The next Covid variant is communism”
“The next pandemic—driven by a virulent conspiravirus. We’ll need to go into a Facebook lockdown”
“The NWO is the real virus”
“The NWO is the virus”
“The official flag of 2020” (a face mask on a flagpole)
“The one who gets vaccinated to be free is already enslaved”
“The ones selling the panic are the same ones selling the vaccine”
“The only non-essential business is government”
“The opposite of isolate is isoearly”
“The opposite of isolate is yousoearly”
“The person who invented hand sanitizer must be rubbing their hands together right now”
“The plan will be a phased plan that we plan to utilize in phases”
“The Powerball Jackpot is now up to a 24 pack of Charmin”
“The problem with natural immunity is that it’s free”
“The protected need to be further protected from the unprotected by forcing the unprotected…”
“The protected need to be protected from the unprotected by forcing the unprotected…”
“The Quarantini. It’s just a regular martini, but you drink it all alone in your house”
“The quicker I give all my rights away, the quicker I will get them all back…”
“The quickest way to get a Democrat politician to put on a mask—is to turn on a camera”
“The real conspiracy theory is believing that you can replace your immune system with masks…”
“The real pandemic is how stupid everyone is”
“The real pandemic is stupidity”
“The real virus is communism. Coronavirus is just how it spreads”
“The real virus is communism. Covid-19 is just how it spreads”
“The same people who sell the panic, sell the vaccine”
“The Starbucks barista was wearing a face mask. It was a coughy filter”
“The thought of going back to life without a mask scares me…” (joke)
“The toilet paper ‘crisis’ confirms that we have more assholes than we thought”
“The unvaccinated are not a threat to society. They are a threat to authority”
“The vaccine should be tested on politicians first. If they survive, the vaccine is safe…”
“The whole country would be tested by midnight if Chick-fil-A was running the drive-thru”
“The wife and I have been in lockdown for eight days now. No fucking way I’m retiring”
“The World Health Organization has said dogs are immune to COVID-19. WHO let the dogs out”
“The world is now Vegas. Everyone is losing money, it’s acceptable to drink at all hours…”
“The worst part about turning the clocks back is having to endure an extra hour of 2020”
“Them: Show me proof.” / “Me: *Sends proof*” / “Them: You’re a conspiracy theorist!”
“There are three ways to come out of this lockdown. A hunk, a chunk or a drunk. Your choice!”
“There is no possibility of informed consent while adverse reactions are being censored”
“There’s a urinary side effect to the new Pfizer vaccine. It makes your p silent”
“There’s now an avian strain of coronavirus. One flu over the cuckoo’s nest”
“They did not isolate a virus. They isolated you”
“They don’t have to say it’s martial law if they call it a quarantine”
“They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store…” (virus joke)
“They say keep your friends close, but your enemies closer… *coughs*”
“They say you can’t fix stupid. Turns out you can’t quarantine it either”
“They should first test the COVID vaccine on government officials…”
“They somehow managed to demonize coughs, sniffles and having no symptoms at all…”
“Think you’re bored? Sir Isaac Newton invented calculus during the plague”
“This Christmas, give your children the gift of STANDING UP FOR THEIR FUCKING FUTURE”
“This cleaning with alcohol is total bullshit. Nothing gets done after the first bottle”
“This is a mind control device” (face mask message)
“This is the first year I haven’t done the London Marathon because of Covid-19. Usually I don’t do it because I’m fat and I can’t run”
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji due to Covid-19. I usually don’t go because I’m poor”
“This lockdown is no walk in the park”
“This mask is as useless as our governor” (face mask saying)
“This mask is as useless as our politicians” (face mask saying)
“This mask is as useless as the government” (face mask saying)
“This New Year’s Eve, remember to drink and wander around your house responsibly”
“This pandemic ain’t over until Costco starts serving free samples again”
“This pandemic is exactly why I hated group projects in school”
“This Quarantine is getting old. So old, in fact, that is it starting to become a Quaranadult”
“This virus has done what no woman had been able to do…cancel all sports, shut down all bars”
“This winter, keep warm by burning all the previous advice we gave you that turned out to be BS”
“This year I won’t be going to the Maldives because of covid19” (joke)
“This year was the first time I couldn’t travel to Europe because of Covid-19” (joke)
“Time to change from my daytime pajamas to my nighttime pajamas” (quarantine joke)
“Tired: summer bodies. Wired: summer antibodies”
“To all the people panic buying, make sure you stock up on condoms so you don’t produce more idiots”
“To be honest, I’ve wanted to spray a lot of people with Lysol before this all started”
“To those turning in your neighbors and local businesses, you did the reich thing”
“Today I got tested to see if I’m sick. Tomorrow I’ll go to the cemetery to see if I’m dead”
“Today’s weather? Room temperature” (quarantine joke)
“Toilet paper hoarding explained: Some people will be eating their own cooking”
“TP hoarding explained: Some people will be eating their own cooking for the first time in years”
“Travel plans: To the window, to the wall, then I might go down the hall”
“‘Trust the science’ has never been anything other than a marketing term that means shut up and obey”
“‘Trust the Science’ is a euphemism for ‘Trust the System‘“
“‘Trust the Science’” is now a euphemism for ‘Trust the System’”
“Trusting Bill Gates with your health is like trusting Jeffrey Epstein with your daughter”
“Trying to help people understand what’s going on right now is like going back into a burning building…”
“Turns out my three hobbies are eating at restaurants, shopping at nonessential businesses…”
“Unmasked. Unmuzzled. Unvaccinated. Unafraid”
“Unmasked. Untested. Unvaxxed. Unafraid”
“Unmasked. Unvaccinated. Unapologetic. Unafraid”
“Unvaccinated people did their homework early on…”
“Unvaccinated sperm is the new Bitcoin”
“Unvaccinated sperm is the next Bitcoin”
“Unvaxxed sperm is the new Bitcoin”
“Unvaxxed sperm is the next bitcoin”
“Vaccinated people act like they died on the cross for our sins. Calm down Jabus Christ”
“Vaccism is the new racism”
“Vacism is the new racism”
“Vax passports do not stop the spread of a virus. They stop the spread of freedom”
“Vaxism is the new racism”
“Vaxxed, waxed and ready for action”
“Vaxxed, waxed and ready to climax”
“Vaxxed, waxed and ready to party”
“Vaxxed, waxed and ready to relax”
“Vaxxism is the new racism”
“Victory is surrender. Lockdown is safety. Hysteria is virtue”
“Viruses come and go. Loss of freedom is forever”
“Viruses mutate over time. Covid started as a pandemic, and now it’s become an IQ test”
“Vodka (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together”
“Waiting for my thighs to socially distance themselves”
“Walked into a post office and saw people wearing masks. Fortunately, it was just a robbery”
“Walking back to the car because you forgot your mask is the new kinda pissed off”
“Warning: You’re being conditioned to view your freedom as ‘selfish‘“
“Wash your hands and say your prayers because Jesus and germs are everywhere”
“Wash your hands. COVID-19 doesn’t kill itself, just like Jeffrey Epstein”
“Washes his hands. Always wears a mask. Rearrange the letters in Racoon and it spells CORONA!”
“We all live in a COVID quarantine” (song)
“We all live in a yellow quarantine” (song)
“We are about 3 weeks away from knowing everyone’s true hair color” (pandemic joke)
“We are being told to line up our children to get something that might kill them…”
“We are entering an era of unprecedented recipe substitutions”
“We are in the midst of the longest, saddest, most excruciating and unsatisfying ‘I told you so‘“
“We can’t eat inside. But we can eat outside. But it’s cold so we set up outside as inside”
“We have to love our freedom more than we fear a germ”
“We should all be allowed to commit a crime since we’ve technically already served the time”
“We’re gonna have to retire the expression ‘avoid it like the plague’…”
“‘We’re not forcing you,’ they say. ‘We’re just taking away everything you need until you consent‘“
“We’re not from the left or right. We’re from the bottom and we’re coming for those on top”
“Wear a mask and say a prayer because Jesus and germs are everywhere”
“Wear your mask at home. This is not to avoid the virus. It’s to avoid the constant eating”
“Wearing a mask isn’t a political statement. It’s an IQ test”
“Welcome to 2020. If you don’t already suffer from an anxiety disorder, one will be assigned”
“Welcome to quarantine. You’re gonna need bigger pants”
“Well what a fucking year this week has been”
“Went to a new restaurant called ‘The Kitchen’. You have to make your own meal”
“What a year this week has been”
“What are murder hornets and how much toilet paper do we need to buy?”
“What can the coronavirus do that the U.S. government can’t?”/“Stop school shootings.”
“What do pro-vaxxers and anti-vaxxers have in common?”/“They’ll never be fully vaccinated.”
“What do the vaccinated and unvaccinated have in common?”/“Neither will ever be fully vaccinated.”
“What do you call a cough that attracts a lot of attention?”/“Phlegm-boyant.”
“What do you call a gang of 19 crows?”/“Corvid-19.”
“What do you call a housekeeper who is an anti-vaxxer?”/“Mrs. Doubtpfizer.”
“What do you call a Russian with Covid?”/“Kalashnicough.”
“What do you call a Russian with Covid?”/“Nastikof.”
“What do you call an Instagram celebrity who got coronavirus?”/“An influenzer.”
“What goes great with a Coronavirus?”/“Lime disease.”
“What goes great with a Coronavirus?”/“Lyme disease.”
“What happened to Covid 1 to 18?”
“What if this quarantine is just the aliens fattening us up before the big harvest?
“What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?”/“College.”
“What kills coronavirus?”/“Ammonia cleaner.”/“Sorry, I thought you worked here.”
“What kind of COVID vaccine did the ghost get?”/“A boo-ster!”
“What should you use to fix your mask if it breaks?”/“Masking tape.”
“What vaccine did Doctor Strange take?”/“Astral-Zeneca.”
“What vaccine do hippies get?”/“Astral Zeneca.”
“What vaccine do occultists use?”/“AstralZeneca.”
“What’s really selfish is expecting other individuals to surrender their liberties…”
“What’s the difference between a drug cartel and the government?” (joke)
“What’s the difference between a vaccine passport and a yellow star?”/“82 years.”
“What’s the difference between COVID and a Karen?” (NSFW joke)
“What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo & Juliet?”/“Coronavirus & Verona Crisis.”
“What’s the difference between COVID-19 and your mom?” (NSFW joke)
“What’s the difference between vaccine papers and a yellow star?”/“82 years.”
“What’s the opposite of isolate?”/“I so early.”
“What’s the opposite of isolate?”/“You so early.”
“What’s the presidential ventilator called?”/“Forced Air One.”
“What’s way more dangerous than the coronavirus? The belief that government cares about you”
“When Newton was quarantined due to the plague, he invented calculus”
“When the truth comes out, don’t ask me how I knew. Ask yourself why you didn’t”
“When the truth comes out, you can’t unvax your children”
“When the truth comes out, you can’t unvax your kids”
“When this is all over, please continue to stay at least 6 feet away from me” (social distancing)
“When this is over, should I go to Weightwatchers or AA first?”
“When we changed the clocks, we went from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone!”
“When we do go back to work, we’re going to need at least a week’s notice to find our pants”
“When you finally realize the science you trusted was actually eugenics” (sad clown face)
“When you find out your daily lifestyle is actually called ‘quarantine‘“
“When you let governments do whatever they want, you get Auschwitz”
“When you let governments do whatever they want, you get Waco”
“When you work from home, all work is homework”
“When you’re not even done with Covid-19 and China releases Covid-20 Pro max”
“Whenever I get asked to do something I don’t want to do I just answer ‘in a pandemic?‘“
“Where can I buy a face mask that doesn’t smell like bad breath?”
“Where did the Terminator find toilet paper?”/“Aisle B, back.”
“Where there is a risk, there must be a choice”
“Where there is risk, there must be choice”
“Which composer got the coronavirus?”/“DryCoughsky.”
“Which is the most desired summer body this year?”/“The antibody.”
“Who called them ’surgical masks’ instead of ’coughy filters’?”
“Who is a Covid-19 patient’s favorite composer?”/“Drycoughsky.”
“Whoever said one person can’t change the world never ate an undercooked bat”
“Why are Santa’s reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?”/“They have herd immunity.”
“Why argue with a Vaxxer, when you could just wait?”
“Why argue with an Anti-Vaxer, when you could just wait”
“Why can’t China play cricket?”/“They keep eating their bats.”
“Why can’t Santa Claus get COVID-19?”/“He has santibodies.”
“Why couldn’t Covid get a drink at the bar?”/“Because Covid 19.”
“Why did Dracula get tested for Covid-19?”/“Because of his coffin.”
“Why did Princess Leia contract coronavirus?”/“Because she went to woo Han.”
“Why did the cannibal die of COVID-19?”/“Too many handshakes.”
“Why did the chicken cross the road?”/“Social distancing.”
“Why do people pull their mask down to hear better?”
“Why do people pull their mask down to listen better?”
“Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story…”
“Why do women with nieces and nephews have great immune systems? Because of their auntie-bodies”
“Why don’t you explain this to me like I wear a mask alone in my car?”
“Why is Santa Claus immune to COVID-19?”/“Because he has santabodies.”
“Why isn’t Dracula allowed out during COVID?”/“He’s always coffin.”
“Why isn’t holy water used in vaccines?”/“Because you can’t take the lord’s name in vein.”
“Why read dystopian fiction when you can just pay attention?”
“Why read dystopian fiction when you can just read the news instead?”
“Why read dystopian fiction when you can just watch the news?”
“Why would I argue with an antivaxxer when I can just wait”
“Why’s a graveyard the safest place in quarantine?”/“Everybody’s 6 feet away.”
“Wife: Did I get fat during quarantine?” (joke)
“Wine (noun): The glue holding this shitshow together”
“With everything going on, you’d think America is cursed or something. Like it was built on…”
“Without you, my life is as empty as the supermarket shelf”
“Wow.. bars, clubs, and gyms all closed? My life is about to seriously be exactly the same”
“WTF do you unemployed people do all fucking day? I’m going insane” (quarantine)
“Y’all went from sheep to lab rats”
“Yes. I’d like to report some people not living in fear”
“Yo mama is like groceries during a pandemic—available for curbside pickup”
“Yo mama is so fat, the government cancelled her for being a mass gathering”
“You are being conditioned to give up your rights every time there’s a crisis”
“You can’t spell quarantine without ‘u r a q t‘“ (pickup line)
“You can’t spell virus without U and I” (pickup line)
“You can’t spell virus without us” (pickup line)
“You cannot comply your way out of tyranny”
“You comply because you want it to end, but it doesn’t end because you comply”
“You comply because you want it to end, but it’s because of your compliance that it may never end”
“You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to know that something ain’t right”
“You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to know that something ain’t fucking right”
“You don’t need to be a conspiracy theorist to know that something ain’t right”
“You comply because you want it to end, but it’s because of your compliance that it will never end”
“You eat chicken nuggets, but you refuse a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it”
“You eat hot dogs your entire life, but refuse a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it”
“You eat sausages your whole life, but you refuse vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it”
“You know that stash of food napkins in your glove box? It’s their time to shine”
“You know why women’s eyes are so noticeable these days? It’s the mask era”
“You need to get a vaccine that doesn’t work so the vaccine I got that doesn’t work will work”
“You need to love your freedom more than you’re scared of a germ”
“You never realize how anti-social you are until there’s a pandemic and your life doesn’t change”
“You shouldn’t need an exemption to opt out of a medical procedure…”
“You stay compliant. I’ll stay defiant”
“You stay safe. I’ll stay free”
“You think 2020 was bad? Just wait until it turns 21 and starts drinking”
“You thought dogs were hard to train? Look at all the humans who can’t sit and stay”
“You want to hear a coronavirus joke? You probably won’t get it”
“You want to see social distancing? Lend them some money”
“You won’t take a vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it? Name ingredients in Pop Tarts”
“You’re being conditioned to believe freedom is selfish”
“Your grandfather didn’t sleep in a foxhole…so you would have to show papers to buy food”
“Your mask protects me. My mask protects you”
“Your obedience is prolonging this nightmare”
“Zoot (noun): when you toot on a zoom call”