“Danger: You are being conditioned to view your freedom as selfish”
"Danger: You are being conditioned to view your freedom as selfish" (or "Warning: You're being conditioned to view your freedom as 'selfish'") is a saying that…
Government/Law/Military/Religion /Health
“Danger. Do not touch. Not only will this kill you, it will hurt the whole time you’re dying” (sign)
"Danger. Do not touch. Not only will this kill you, it will hurt the whole time you're dying" is a sign that has been printed on many images. "Via @popurls: Not only will this…
“Dark chocolate is at least 60% coco beans therefore it’s a vegetable”
Dark chocolate contains cocoa solids and cocoa butter, so many people insist that it's basically a bean -- and that it should be considered a fruit or a vegetable. The argument is made mostly…
“Date someone who drinks with you instead of complaining that you drink”
"date someone who drinks with you instead of complaining that you drink" was posted on X/Twitter by NihongoSOS on January 12, 2017. "Date someone who drinks with you instead of…
“Day 27: The garbage man stuck a pamphlet for AA on my recycling bin”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic saw many states deem liquor stores to be essential businesses. Some people drank a lot. "Day 27: The garbage man stuck a pamphlet for AA on my recycling bin.…
“Day 35 of quarantine; Can you blink a little more quietly please?”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to stay at home in quarantine. Many family members got on each other's nerves. "Day 35 of the quarantine...Can you blink a little…
“Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in school closures and homeschooling. "Homeschooling day 3: The Principal called in a bomb threat" was posted on Twitter by PoppaDoo on March…
“Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little shits called in a bomb threat”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in school closures and homeschooling. "Homeschooling day 3: The Principal called in a bomb threat" was posted on Twitter by PoppaDoo on March…
“Day 6 of quarantine. Preparing to take out the garbage. So excited can’t decide what to wear”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be quarantined in their homes. People would, however, leave the home briefly to take out the garbage. "'I got so excited about…
“Day 7 at home and the dog is looking at me like, ‘See? This is why I chew the furniture’”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic resulted in home quarantines. People became more understanding of dogs. "End of Day 2 on lockdown and the dog is looking at me like 'SEE? This is why I…
“Day school tuition is the best form of birth control” (joke)
Many Jewish parents try to sent their children to a yeshiva (Jewish day school), but tuition is expensive. A popular joke in the Orthodox community is that day school tuition is the best form of…
“Daylight didn’t ask to be saved. Daylight didn’t want to be saved”
There is daylight saving time (DST), but no one asked daylight its feelings in the matter. "What if the daylight didn't want to be saved?" was posted on Twitter by Jackie M. Briski…
“Days are now divided by coffee hours and alcohol hours”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic caused many people to be locked down in their homes. People drank a lot of coffee and alcohol to get through it. "Days are now divided by coffee hours and…
“Days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today & nextday”
The 2019–20 coronavirus pandemic made days flow together for many people. "Hours now don’t exist, days are split into 4 sections: Coffee, Midfood, Latefood & Sleep. Days don’t have…
“Dead voters vote Democrat”
Political campaigns target to win various groups, such as the Black vote or the Jewish vote or the Hispanic vote. Who wins the dead vote (i.e., voter fraud)? Chicago has had a reputation of dead…
“Deadlines spur action” (business adage)
"Deadlines spur action" (or "a deadline spurs action") is an old business adage of uncertain origin. If both sides to a negotiation know of a deadline, a deal is often struck…
“Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency—and don’t complain about the heat”
"Deal with the devil if the devil has a constituency -- and don't complain about the heat" has been credited to science fiction and fantasy author C. J. Cherryh. The quotation has…
“Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa”
"Dear account balance: Wingardium Leviosa" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. It means that the speaker has a low bank account balance, and desires it to levitate…
“Dear animals, I’m sorry it took me so long”
"Dear animals, I'm sorry it took me so long" is a vegan saying (from a person who had been eating meat) that has been printed on many images. Authorship of the saying is unknown, but…
“Dear Apple, No one uses the word ‘ducking,’ absolutely no one”
According to one joke, Apple iphones autocorrect "fucking" to "ducking." "I use the word 'fucking' all the time. Why does iPhone still autocorrect to ducking. No…