“Beating someone with a baguette is assault with a breadly weapon”

“Deadly weapon” shouldn’t be confused with “breadly weapon,” but there are jokes.
   
“assault with a breadly weapon” was posted on Twitter by Stephen Toulouse on November 29, 2008. “BEATING UP SOMEONE WITH A BIG PRETZEL IS A-SALT WITH A BREADLY WEAPON” was posted on Twitter by The Grunkch on July 29, 2017. “Beating someone with a baguette is assault with a breadly weapon” was posted on Twitter by Jeff “October” Computers on May 28, 2019. “If a baker assaults somebody with a baguette…can he be charged with assault with a breadly weapon?” was posted on Reddit—Dadjokes on September 4, 2020. “Yesterday, a guy hit me with a baguette!! He went to jail for assault with a breadly weapon” was posted on Reddit—Dadjokes on January 3, 2022.
 
       
Twitter
Stephen Toulouse
@Stepto
Replying to @window
@window assault with a breadly weapon.
7:00 PM · Nov 29, 2008·Twitter Web Client
   
Twitter
ashe dryden
@ashedryden
Replying to @vicwu
@vicwu Assault with a breadly weapon? (OH! I am so funny. I slay *myself*)
3:57 PM · Nov 23, 2009·Twitter Web Client
   
Twitter
shweazel
@shweazel
if you’re in jail for assault with a breadly weapon, you might be a breadneck #breadneckjokes
4:39 PM · Oct 10, 2010·TweetDeck
   
Twitter
ΛΕΜΩΡ
@TRILLafLEMUR
assault with a breadly weapon
*beat my neighbor with a baguette*
2:42 PM · Sep 13, 2013·Twitter for iPhone
 
Reddit—Dadjokes
Posted by u/Xibalba0130 January 11, 2015
At work, stocking bread
Then one of the loaves falls off and hits my boss. Me: “Sorry. That was an attack with a breadly weapon.”
   
Twitter
Martin Munson
@wickedimproper
One time I hit a guy with a French baguette and they charged me with assault with a breadly weapon.
No, you know what, YOU stfu.
12:26 PM · Jun 19, 2015·Twitter for iPhone
   
Twitter
scott
@scaughtty
if you throw breadcrumbs at birds, is that assault with a breadly weapon?
11:11 AM · Sep 9, 2016·Twitter for Android
   
Twitter
The Grunkch
@CourageousRobin
BEATING UP SOMEONE WITH A BIG PRETZEL IS A-SALT WITH A BREADLY WEAPON
7:24 PM · Jul 29, 2017·Twitter for Android
   
Twitter
Thomas Petersen
@BU_NeonHat
“Officer you can’t arrest me, I only smacked him with a baguette!”
“That’s assault with an breadly weapon”
3:34 PM · Sep 21, 2017·Twitter for iPhone
   
Twitter
Dr_Wetness
@ianu192
A French baker has been arrested after attaching one of his customers with a baguette, he is being charge for assault with a breadly weapon #puns
9:31 AM · Jun 18, 2018·Twitter for iPhone
   
Twitter
𝐵𝓇𝑜𝓉𝒶𝓉𝑜 𝓟𝓪𝓭𝓻𝓮
@BubbaGummYeen
If I beat you to death with a baguette, it’s assault with a breadly weapon.
2:07 PM · Aug 11, 2018·Twitter for Android
   
Twitter
Mike Galok
@MikeGalok
Replying to @RT_Ben and @GeekyFriedRice
I threw a bagel at the office once, got written up for assault with a breadly weapon…
5:37 PM · Dec 10, 2018·Twitter for Android
 
Twitter
Jeff “October” Computers
@JeffMyspace
Beating someone with a baguette is assault with a breadly weapon
1:07 PM · May 28, 2019·Twitter for iPhone
   
Reddit—Dadjokes 
Posted by u/BrillWolf September 4, 2020
If a baker assaults somebody with a baguette…
...can he be charged with assault with a breadly weapon?
   
Reddit—Dadjokes
Posted by u/Timallne October 8, 2021
Did you hear what charges the baker was facing?
Assault with a breadly weapon.
   
Twitter
Dad Jokes
@Dadsaysjokes
My wife hit me with a baguette yesterday…
I told her she was going to jail for assault with a breadly weapon.
11:07 AM · Oct 9, 2021·Twitter for iPhone
 
Reddit—Dadjokes
Posted by u/w0lvez__ January 3, 2022
Yesterday, a guy hit me with a baguette!!
He went to jail for assault with a breadly weapon.