“A panda walks into a restaurant…” (joke)
“A panda walks into a restaurant” is the start of a classic joke. After the panda enjoys the meal, he shoots at the waiter and exits. The restaurant manager runs after the panda, who says that he merely did what all pandas do. The panda tells the manager to look up “panda” in a dictionary, where it says that a panda “eats shoots and leaves.”
The joke has been cited in print since at least 1994 and also has a bawdy version (see the 1994, 1996 and 2000 citations, below).
“Pandas are living proof that you can be fat just by eating salad” is another panda joke.
Google Groups: rec.humor
Canonical List Of Animal Humor 1/5
Reality Terabytes
8/22/94
(...)
A panda spent the night in bed with a prostitute. The following morning as he is about ready to leave, the prostitute yells after him, “Hey, aren’t you going to pay me?”
The panda appears confused so she throws a dictionary at him and tells him to look up ‘prostitute.’ The definition reads:
‘A woman who engages in promiscuous sexual activity for pay.’
The panda throws the dictionary back at the prostitute and tells her to look up ‘panda.’ The definition reads: ‘An animal that eats bushes and leaves.’
Google Groups: rec.humor
A Koala Walks into a Bar…
Scott Sando
3/28/96
Mark Borghese incorrectly wrote:
>
> A Koala walks into a bar. A hooker comes up to the Koala and says,
>“hey hairy, want a date?” The Koala says sure, and they sit in a booth in
>the corner. The hooker and the Koala start to get-it-on and end up with
>the Koala performing oral sex on the hooker. Afterwards the hooker tries
>to get her money, but the Koala refuses.
> “Hey,” says the hooker, “don’t you know the definition of a hooker?”
> And the Koala says, “No, sorry, I don’t.”
> And the hooker says, “it’s someone who has sex for money.”
> And the Koala says, “Well I guess you don’t know the definition of a
> Koala.”
> “What’s that?” asks the hooker.
> “An animal that eats bushes and leaves.”
>
For those ignorant of Australian fauna; the koala eats only eucalyptus leaves. The creature originally portrayed in the above “joke” is the Wombat - a small, solid, ground-based foraging marsupial.
Google Groups: alt.humor.puns
Animal in Bar jokes?
PDC
2/21/97
rich
wrote:
A Panda goes into a bar and orders food. He munches it down and when he’s done, he pulls out a gun and blasts the bartender, then gets up and heads outside. A guy at the bar sees this, chases the Panda, cathches up to him and asks “Just what the hell was that about?!!!” The Panda says"Hey, I’m a Panda I can do that if you don’t believe me look up Panda in the Dictionary” then walks off. The guy is obviously stunned but goes back to the bar looks in a dictionary and finds
’‘Panda’‘
The definition says: Panda- 1)Native of China 2)Eats: Shoots, Leaves.
Oh quit groaning, you’ll be telling it at work tomorrow 😊
Google Groups: rec.humor
Koala Bear dines out in the Big Apple
Nathan D Richards
2/25/97
Other recipients: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address), .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
A Koala Bear enters a very fine New York City restaurant. After consuming an excellent meal, the bear calls the waiter to the table, pulls out a gun, shoots him between the eyes and leaves the establishment.
The police are called to investigate. One of the cops interviews the restaurant manager and remarks that this is a very strange case. The manager says, “Well actually, it’s quite common in some parts of the world”. He then flips open a dictionary and points to an entry:
KOALA (noun) Small lovable marsuptial, native to Australia. Eats shoots and leaves.
Google Groups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Req: Panda jokes.
Mathias Peter Hollensen
5/5/97
(...)
It seems, that this Panda went into a nice restaurant. He ordered a large feast, and ate it. The waiter came around to ask how it was, and he said “Magnificent! I really must compliment you on your fine cuisine!” Then he pulled a 357 Magnum out of his coat, and shot that plate captain right there, in the midlands.
The manager had seen it all, and when the Panda put away his smoking handgun, and made to leave - he stopped him and asked- “Why have you done this? Was the food bad?” “No, it was lovely, as I said!” “Then why?” The panda rolled his eyes at the ignorant human. Just read up about panda’s in that encyclopaedia, over there!” The panda left, and the manager took down the P volume, found the right section, and finally found the passage that explained. “The panda eats shoots and leaves.”
11 May 1997, Cedar Rapids (IA) Gazette, “Panda pun has etymological roots” by Carl Kane, pg. 8A, col. 3:
A panda in a restaurant ordered two of the finest wines, an entree and a selection from the dessert cart. When the waiter brought the check, the panda pulled out a gun, fired it into the ceiling and walked out.
The manager pursued him and demanded to know why the panda had not paid the check. The panda replied, “I’m just doing what pandas do.” The manager looked puzzled and the panda added, “Look panda up in your dictionary.” The manager did and he found: “Panda, a large mammal indigenous to the Himalayas, eats shoots and leaves.”
A Prairie Home Companion - Jokes 1999
April 6, 1999
A panda walks into a restruant, gets a table, orders his food, shoots the waiter, and leaves. On his way out the door, the manager stops him and says “wait a minute, you just shot my waiter and you didn’t even pay. What’s the deal?” The panda says “go look it up in the dictionary.” So the manager looks it up and it says “Pandas: eats shoots and leaves.“duck food?”
Gabriel Demuth, Age: 11
Google Groups: alt.usage.english
Friday Humour of a sort
Reinhold (Rey) Aman
10/2/00
(...)
You’ve gotta start reading _Maledicta_, where the original, much shorter, snappier, non-bowdlerized version appeared years ago (here slightly condensed):
A panda goes to a whorehouse, selects a girl, goes to her room, cunnilingues her and copulates her, then leaves.
The madam yells, “Hey, what about paying?”
The panda points to a dictionary and says, “I’m a *panda*, I don’t have to pay. Look it up.”
The madam grabs the dictionary and reads: “PANDA. A black-and-white bear-like mammal. Lives in China. Eats shoots and leaves.”
Wikipedia: Eats, Shoots & Leaves
Eats, Shoots & Leaves: The Zero Tolerance Approach to Punctuation is a non-fiction book written by Lynne Truss, the former host of BBC Radio 4’s Cutting a Dash programme. In the book, published in 2003, Truss bemoans the state of punctuation in the United Kingdom and the United States and describes how rules are being relaxed in today’s society. Her goal is to remind readers of the importance of punctuation in the English language by mixing humour and instruction.
(...)
Title
The title of the book is an amphibology—a verbal fallacy arising from an ambiguous grammatical construction—and derived from a joke about bad punctuation: ...
jokesiteexample.com
Category: Restaurant jokes
Date Added: 11/10/2007
Joke: A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didnt pay for your sandwich!“The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey man, Im a PANDA! Look it up!“The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: “A tree dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.”