A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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“How did the Mayflower show that it liked America?"/"It hugged the shore.” (11/17)
“I was told that exercise helps with your decision making” (joke) (11/17)
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Entry from July 25, 2015
Month 09—September

The following words or phrases are about September:

“Don’t believe what you see in September” (baseball adage)
“How’s the new year going?"/"Shofar, so good.”
“Sell on Rosh Hashanah, buy on Yom Kippur” (Wall Street adage)
“September is when leaves and stocks tend to fall; On Wall Street it’s the worst month of all”
“Thirsty days hath September” (beer rhyme)
“Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?"/"To make up for a bad summer.”
“Wins in April are just as important as wins in September” (baseball adage)
Sept-taper or Septaper (September + taper)

SEPTEMBER (first Monday)
“Never wear white after Labor Day” (fashion rule)

“9/11 jokes always fall flat”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. But the other 2 are”
“9/11 jokes aren’t funny. They’re just plane wrong”
“9/11 was an inside job”
“Everything I really need to know about Islam, I learned on September 11th, 2001”
“How are genders like the Twin Towers?” (joke)
“I haven’t seen faith move mountains, but I have seen what faith can do to buildings”
“Knock, knock."/"Who’s there?"/"9/11."/"9/11 who?” (joke)
“Science built skyscrapers and airplanes, but only religion can bring the two together”
“Science flies you to the moon; religion flies you into buildings”
“The New York City police chief said, ‘We will never forget 9/11’” (joke)
“The problem with 9/11 jokes is that they never seem to land”
“Two conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven…” (joke)
“United we stand” (9/11 slogan)
“What did Osama bin Laden cook on Iron Chef?"/"Big Apple Crumble.”
“What did the hot dog vendor say at the World Trade Center?” (joke)
“What does WTC stand for?"/"What Trade Center?”
“What was Osama bin Laden’s favorite drink?"/"A double Manhattan.”
“What’s Osama bin Laden’s favorite football team?"/"The New York Jets.”
“What’s the difference between 9/11 and a cow?"/"You can’t milk a cow for X years.”
“What’s the difference between Middle Earth and New York City?"/"Two towers.”
“What’s the worst name for a history lesson?"/"A crash course on 9/11.”
“What’s worse than 9/11?"/"311.”
“Who are the world’s fastest readers?"/"9/11 victims. They went through 87 stories in 10 seconds.”
“Whoever said white people can’t jump clearly hasn’t seen the footage from 9/11”
“Why can’t New Yorkers play chess?"/"They’re missing two towers.”
“Why did 10 die?"/"Because he was in the middle of 9/11.”
“Why do Americans make such a fuss about 9/11 anyway? What happened on the 9th of November?”
“Why were the twin towers sad?"/"They ordered pepperoni pizza and got plane.”
“Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldn’t exist. It would be IX/XI instead”
9/11 (One Day’s Pay: National Day of Voluntary Service, Charity, Compassion)
America’s Mayor
Ground Zero
Ground Zero Mosque

SEPTEMBER 19 (Talk Like a Pirate Day)
“3.14% of sailors are pi rates”
“A pirate walks into a bar…” (bar joke)
“A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head…” (bar joke)
“Drinking rum before 10 am makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic”
“How do pirates communicate with each other?"/"With an aye phone.”
“How much does a pirate pay for corn?"/"A buccaneer.”
“I’m in a pirate-themed band. We can’t stop writing hooks”
“To err is human. To arr is pirate”
“What do you call a pirate who skips class?"/"Captain Hooky.”
“What does a Jewish pirate say?"/"Ahoy vey!”
“What if algebra teachers are really pirates and they are using us to find ‘X’?”
“What is a pirate’s favorite type of music?"/"Arr and B!”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite food?"/"Arrrrrtichokes.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite restaurant?"/"Arrrby’s.”
“What’s a pirate’s favorite school subject?"/"Arrrrrrrrrrt.”
“What’s a pirate’s least favorite letter?” (computer piracy joke)
“What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?” (riddle)
“Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?"/"Because he was sitting on the deck.”
“Why did the pirate ask to get a mortgage with 3.142 percent interest?"/"He wanted the pi-rate!”
“Why did the pirate go to college?"/"To become an arrrrrrchitect!”
“Why did the pirate send his hot dog back at Nathan’s?"/"Because it was a salty dog.”
“Why do pirates make great lawyers?"/"Because they’re very skilled at arrrrrguing.”
“Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?"/"Because they can spend years at C.”
“Why don’t pirates need lawyers?"/"They prefer to settle through ARRrrrbitration.”

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityCalendar • Saturday, July 25, 2015 • Permalink