A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (10/21)
“What do you call two witches who live together?"/"Broommates.” (10/21)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (10/21)
“So far eating hasn’t filled the emptiness I feel inside, but I’m no quitter” (10/21)
“Knives should be named chopsticks” (10/21)
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Entry from December 23, 2012
“Instant human—just add coffee”

"Instant human—just add coffee” is a jocular saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as posters, T-shirts and coffee mugs. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1994 and is of unknown authorship.

“Instant asshole—just add alcohol” is a similar saying.


Google Groups: alt.good.news
random atcs of kindness
Albert Ingman
6/21/94
(...)
Instant human: just add coffee.

Google Groups: comp.os.msdos.programmer.turbovision
Stacy David Doss
7/4/94
(...)
Instant Human: Just Add Coffee.

23 February 1995, Garden City (KS) Telegram, “At Random” by Dolores Hope, pg. 4, col. 1:
T-shirt messaged being worn around town include “Innocent by Reason of Celebrity,” “Instant Human—Just Add Coffee,” and “Recovering Democrat.”

Google Groups: rec.org.mensa
Sven Geier
8/12/95
(...)
I have a T-shirt saying “Instant human - just add coffee”.

Google Books
More Modems for Dummies
By Tina Rathbone
Foster City, CA: IDG Books
1996
Pg. 75:
Instant human: Just add coffee.

Google Books
Is Greenland Really Green?
By Laurence A. Moore
New York, NY: Avon Books
1996
Pg. 158:
The modern Monday-morning instruction is: “Instant human: just add coffee.”

Pittsburgh (PA) Post-Gazette
If not art, then what?
Sunday, September 30, 2001
By Tim Menees, Post-Gazette Editorial Cartoonist
(...)
There’s an apple and a tiny sign: “Instant Human/Just add coffee.”

Cape Cod (MA) Times
Street-wise
By JESSICA ALAIMO,STAFF WRITER
August 14, 2005
(...)
At the end of Main Street, Abiyoyo sells a little bit of everything, from shoes to artsy clothing to toys to mugs that say ‘’Instant human, just add coffee.’’

Google News Archive
10 November 2008, Sun Journal (Lewiston, ME), “Bouchard,” pg. B2, col. 1:
For her I might get the shirt that has “instant Human, Just Add Coffee.”

Google Books
Wise Quotes of Wisdom:
A Lifetime Collection of Quotes, Sayings, Philosophies, Viewpoints and Thoughts

By R. A. Wise
Bloomington, IN: AuthorHouse
2011
Pg. 119:
Instant human – just add coffee. –T-shirt

Google Books
I Knew You’d Be Lovely
By Alethea Black
New York, NY: Broadway Paperbacks
2011
Pg. 216:
There’s a magnet on the fridge that says: INSTANT HUMAN. JUST ADD COFFEE.

Google Books
Alabama Skye
By J.C. Wing
Xlibris LLC (Xlibris.com)
2014
Pg. 50:
He wore colorful t-shirts with comical sayings on them such as ‘If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement I’d be unstoppable’, ‘Trust me, I’m a Jedi’, and Greer’s personal favorite, ‘Instant human,just add coffee’.

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityFood/Drink • Sunday, December 23, 2012 • Permalink