A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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Entry from August 18, 2011
“The Houston Astros/Texas Rangers have won the World Series!” (Texas weather joke)

The heat of Texas—and the lack of World Series success of the Houston Astro sand the Texas Rangers --have resulted in a “Texan in Hell” joke. The joke has been told about other sports teams (such as the Chicago Cubs), but the hot-as-hell Texas heat makes it arguably the best version.

The joke has been cited in print since at least August 1996.


Google Groups: alt.tasteless.jokes
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
From: (Stuart Sibley)
Date: 1996/08/11
Subject: Texan in Hell

There is this Texan in hell.
The devil comes up to him on the first day, and sees him smiling and give the high five. “What are you so happy about?” says Lucifer.
“Man, I just love it here. Its like a spring day in Dallas.”
The devil walks off pissed, and decides to get him. “I’ll turn the heat all the way up. That’ll show him.”
The next day, the devil checks back with our hero, only to find him happy once again. “What now?” says the Evil one.
“Man is this heat great or what. Reminds me of a summer day in San Antonio.”
The Devil realizes that he has been going about it all wrong.
“Tomorrow I’m going to make it colder than an Alaskan winter.”
He returns the next day to find the Texan shivering and blue, but grinning from ear to ear. “What could you possibly have to be happy about?”
“Its pretty obvious, isn’t it?” replied the Texan. “The Astros must have won the World Series.”

Google Groups: alt.sports.baseball.texas-rangers
Newsgroups: alt.sports.baseball.texas-rangers
From:
Date: 1996/09/12
Subject: This is not SPAM!!! This is not a Troll!!! But it belongs here!!!

Texan finds himself in hell one day!
The devil comes walking up that first day only to find the Texan laughing and smiling and wanting to give him a high five.
Devil says “This is hell doesn’t that heat bother you?”
Texan says “Reminds me of a fine summer afternoon in Dallas!”
The devil walks off pissed, and decides to get him. “I’ll turn the heat all the way up. That’ll show him.”
The next day, the devil checks back with our hero, only to find him happy once again. “What now?” says the Evil one.
“Man is this heat great or what. Reminds me of a summer day in San Antonio.”
The Devil realizes that he has been going about it all wrong.
“Tomorrow I’m going to make it colder than an Alaskan winter.”
He returns the next day to find the Texan shivering and blue, but grinning from ear to ear. “What could you possibly have to be happy about?”
“Its pretty obvious, isn’t it?” replied the Texan. “The Rangers must have won the World Series.”

Google Groups: boulder.general
Newsgroups: boulder.general
From: Transient Ischemic Attack
Date: 1997/01/15
Subject: It’s so cold… JOKE

So this guy who used to work in a boiler room all day every day for fifty years (don’t stop me if you know this one because it’s too late anyhow) dies and he goes to hell.  Satan shows up and says “Ha!  New Victim!!!  Time to suffer, scum!!” and he turns up the temperature to where its BLAZING hot. 

“All right!!” says the man, “God it feels just like home!!”

The Devil, a little perplexed, says, “Oh, yeah??” and he turns up the heat until it’s AFRICA hot, and the dude’s skin is melting the frigg off.

“Sweeeeeeet!” cries the man, with a liquidy grin, “I looooove it hot!!”

So the Devil, having done this line of work for a while, says, “You like it hot, eh?” and he turns the climate controls down to Top-Of-Mount-Everest icicle fricking cold.  With a triumphant grin, he goes back to find the dude, shivering for all he’s worth, ice caked all over him, blue as a smurf, is STILL SMILING!  He says, “What the hell??  You like it freezing cold, too??”

“No,” said the man, “I hate it.  But I’m happy ‘cos the Broncos must have just won the Superbowl!!”

Google Groups: alt.sports.basbeall.chicago-cubs
Newsgroups: alt.sports.baseball.chicago-cubs
From: (Doug J.)
Date: 1997/04/14
Subject: Ignore this if you’ve heard it…

There was a farmer from the mid-west who died and was sent to Hell. So he arrived and the Devil turned the heat up to 100 degrees on him. The farmer just sat there smiling; when the Devil asked him what was going on, the farmer said, “oh its just like working in the field in July...” so the Devil turned up the heat past 120 degrees and the farmer just kept smiling and said, oh that’s like harvesting in the fields in August, etc etc etc. So the Devil turned the thermostat the other direction until ice formed everywhere, snow fell, etc. Now the farmer jumped up and down laughing and yelling. The Devil was really surprised about this turn of events and asked the old farmer what that was all about.

“YIPEE!! The Cubbies won the World Series!”

Google Groups: alt.sports.baseball.texas-rangers
Newsgroups: alt.sports.baseball.texas-rangers
From: (j r)
Date: 1998/08/04
Subject: Texan In Hell

So this Texan winds up in hell, and the devil say’s, “It’s hot down here, I keep my thermostat at 85 degrees with 85% humidity. You won’t be able to stand it.” But as he looks at the Texan, he sees that he is smiling and laughing. The devil can’t stand it and asks the Texan why he is so happy. “Reminds me of Texas in June,” laughs the Texan.

Well, I can fix this, I’ll just turn up the thermostat a little. So now its 110 and 95% humidity. The devil checks in on the Texan a little later, only to find that he’s unbuttoned his shirt, but is still smiling and laughing. “Reminds me of Texas in July,” laughs the Texan.

The devil is furious, so up goes to the thermostat again. This time it goes to 150 with 99% humidity and the Texan is just loving it. He’s got his shirt off and is smiling and laughing. “This reminds me of Texas in August!” laughs the Texan to the devil.

Allright, allright, I’ll fix this Texan yet. So this time the devil turns the temp down to 25 degrees… cold, very cold, and when the devil looks in on the Texan this time, he finds him running around laughing and joking and hooting and hollering, just as happy as can be.

The devil is absolutely furious and when he asks this time, the Texan yells, “THE RANGER’S WON THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!”

GoogleGroups: alt.abuse.recovery
Newsgroups: alt.abuse.recovery, alt.sexual.abuse.recovery.moderated
From: pat Date: 1998/08/04
Subject: Houstonian in Hell (humor)

A Houstonian dies and goes to hell.  While down there the Devil notices that the Houstonian is not suffering like the rest.  He checks the gauges and sees that it’s 90 degrees and about 80% humidity.  So he goes

over to the Houstonian and asks why he’s so happy.

The Houstonian says, “I like it here.  The temperature is just like Houston in June.

The Devil isn’t happy with the Houstonian’s answer and decides to get him, so he goes over and turns up the temperature to 100 degrees and the

humidity to 90%.  After turning everything up he goes looking for the Houstonian.  He finds him standing around unbuttoning his shirt, just as

happy as can be.  The Devil quizzes the Houstonian again as to why he’s so happy.

The Houstonian says, “This is even better.  It’s like Houston in July.” The Devil, now upset, decides to really make the Houstonian really suffer.  He goes over to the controls and turns the heat up to 120 degrees and the humidity to 100%.  “Now lets see what the Houstonian is up to,” he says.  So he goes looking for the Houstonian again.  He finds

him taking his shirt off, even happier then before.  The Devil can’t figure it out.  He asks the Houstonian why he’s happy now.

The Houstonian replies, “This is great, it’s just like Houston in August.” The Devil says, “That’s it, I’ll get this guy.” He goes over and turns the temperature down to a freezing 25 degrees.  “Let’s see what the Houstonian has to say about this.”

The Devil looks around and finds the Houstonian jumping up and down for joy and yelling

“THE ASTROS HAVE FINALLY WON THE WORLD SERIES!”

Posted by Barry Popik
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary) • (0) Comments • Thursday, August 18, 2011 • Permalink