A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

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Entry from October 10, 2007
Texas Adultery Law (lawyer joke)

The origin of this lawyer joke in unknown, but if adultery is punishable by a shotgun death, it must take place in Texas.

The end of the joke doesn’t quite make sense. Why wouldn’t a Texas lawyer have a house with a maid and a pool?


Funny Hub
Texas Adultery Law
A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He doesn’t even have enough time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife about the trip.

The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.

The maid protests, but the lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous spouse and his/her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces the maid to do it, offering a hefty bonus as a reward. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, a dozen or so loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.

The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, “Did you kill them?”

“Yes,” she replies.

The lawyer questions her again, “What did you do with the bodies?”

“I threw them in the pool,” she responds.

There is a brief pause from the lawyer. He asks her, “Did you say the pool?”

“Yes! I threw them in the pool!” she says.

“Uh, is this 555-8234?”

Google Groups: net.jokes
Newsgroups: net.jokes
From: (John Ioannidis)
Date: Tue, 13-Aug-85 21:37:25 EDT
Local: Tues, Aug 13 1985 9:37 pm
Subject: Re: An actual (funny evey) joke (Lawyer joke, actually).

> A lawyer who works in Texas receives news of an out of town
> emergency which requires him to fly out of the state for a short
> period of time.  He doesn’t even have time to pack, so he calls
> home to tell his wife he is going.  The maid answers the phone
> but is hesitant to put his wife on the phone.  After quite a bit
> of cajoling, she admits that his wife is upstairs in bed with
> the mailman!  Now the man is furious, and would rush right home,
> but of course there is this emergency to take care of, so he
> tells the maid to go get the gun from his desk drawer, and kill
> both his wife and the mailman.  She protests, but he explains
> that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife
> and her lover.  Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces
> her to do it.  She puts down the phone, and the lawyer can hear
> the sound of two gun shots, the screams, some loud bumps, and,
> finally, some splashes.  The maid comes back on the phone.  The
> lawyer asks ``did you kill them?’’.  “Yes’’, she replies.
> “What did you do with the bodies?’’ “I threw them in the
> pool.’’ ... pause ...  “Pool? ...  Say, is this 555-8234?’’

> As told to me by Tom Clement
> (there are two interpretations of this joke, can you find them both?)

Yes; the other version involves a businessman, the cook finding the man’s wife with the son of the gardner, killing them with a carving knife and throwing the pieces in the swimming pool. The phone number is also different.

Google Groups:alt.sex.stories
Newsgroups: alt.sex.stories
From: (SEAN MCFARLANDS)
Date: 1996/11/18
Subject: X-Rated Jokes (http://WWW.RNE.COM)

“Marie, put my wife on the phone,” said Mr. Smith.  Marie, the maid, said she couldn’t because Madame was in the bedroom with her lover.

“Okay, Marie, go to my den and in my file cabinet you will find my revolver.  Take and shoot both of them.  I’ll hold on.”

“Yessir,” said the maid, and a few seconds later two loud gunshots were heard.

“Good,” said the husband.  “Now go outside and throw the revolver into the pool.”

There was a long pause.  Then the maid said, “Pool?  What pool?”

“Isn’t this Murray Hill 8-8567?”

Google Groups: no.vitser
Newsgroups: no.vitser
From: “Anne Børstad”
Date: 1997/11/25
Subject: SJALU SA DU ??? næææææ....

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency situation which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time. He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going. The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone. After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of. So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer, and kill both his wife and the mailman. She protests!

The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover. Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it. She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps, and finally, two splashes. The maid comes back to the phone. The lawyer asks, “did you kill them?”

“Yes,” she replies.

The lawyer questions her again, “What did you do with the bodies?’’

“I threw them in the pool,’’ she responds. ... there is a brief pause from the lawyer...until he questions her once again,

“Did you say the Pool?”

“Yes! I threw them in the pool!” she says.

“Uh, is this 555-8234?’’

Google Groups: alt.humor
Newsgroups: alt.humor
From: “Keith E. Sullivan”
Date: 1998/02/16
Subject: Lawyers

TEXAS LAWYER
A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time.  He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.

The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone.  After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman!  The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of.

So instead, he tells the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.  She protests!  The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover.

Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.  She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.

The maid comes back to the phone.  The lawyer asks, “Did you kill them?”

“Yes,” she replies.  The lawyer questions her again, “What did you do with the bodies?”

“I threw them in the pool,” she responds.

There is a brief pause from the lawyer.  He asks her, “Did you say the pool?”

“Yes!  I threw them in the pool!” she says.

“Uh, is this 555-8234?”

Google Groups:alt.tasteless.jokes
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless.jokes
From: “Jennifer Williams”
Date: 1998/03/17
Subject: The Texas Lawyer

A lawyer who works in Texas gets a call about an emergency which requires him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time.  He has no time to pack, so he calls home to tell his wife he is going.

The maid answers the call, but is quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone.  After quite a bit of interrogation, she admits that the wife is upstairs in bed with the mailman! The lawyer is furious, and wants to rush right home, but of course there is this emergency he must take care of.

So instead, he tell the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.  She protests! The lawyer explains that under Texas law it is legal to kill your adulterous wife and her lover.

Using his silver tongue, he finally convinces her to do it.  She puts down the phone, and soon the lawyer hears the sound of two guns shots, a scream, some loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.

The maid comes back to the phone.  The lawyer asks, “Did you kill them?”

“Yes,” she replies. 

The lawyer questions her again, “What did you do with the bodies?”

“I threw them in the pool,” she responds.

There is a brief pause from the lawyer.  He ask her, “Did you say the pool?”

“Yes! I threw them in the pool!” she says.

“Umm, is this the Smith residence… 992-2711?

Google Groups: alt.fan.oj-simpson
Newsgroups: alt.fan.oj-simpson
From: (PuppetMaster)
Date: 1999/06/04
Subject: Could Jon Beaver be from Texas?

A lawyer who works in Texas got a call about an emergency which required him to immediately fly out of the state for a short period of time.  He had no time to pack, so he called home to tell his wife he is going.

The maid answered the call, but was quite hesitant about putting his wife on the phone.  After quite a bit of interrogation, she admitted that the wife was upstairs in bed with the mailman!  The lawyer was furious, and wanted to rush right home, but the emergency was more important.

So instead, he ordered the maid to go get the gun from the desk drawer and kill both his wife and the mailman.  She protested!  But the lawyer explained that under Texas law it is perfectly legal to kill
your adulterous wife and her lover.  Using his silver tongue, he finally persuaded her to do it.

She put down the phone, and soon the lawyer heard the sound of two gun shots, a scream, some loud thumps, and finally, two splashes.  The maid came back to the phone.

The lawyer asked, “Did you kill them?”

“Yes,” she replied.

The lawyer questioned her again, “What did you do with the bodies?”

“I threw them in the pool,” she responded.

There was a brief pause from the lawyer.  Then he slowly asked her, “Did you say the pool?”

“Yes!  I threw them in the pool!” she screamed.

“Ooh”, he said, “Is this 555-8234?”

Posted by Barry Popik
Texas (Lone Star State Dictionary) • (1) Comments • Wednesday, October 10, 2007 • Permalink


I’m the Tom Clement in the 1985 post above.  I think it may have been told to me by Wm Leler.

Posted by Tom Clement  on  09/08  at  04:07 PM

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