A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“When I said ‘nuke the Chinese,’ I meant put the takeout in the microwave” (4/22)
“Why is ground beef so popular?"/"Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.” (4/22)
“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people…” (4/22)
“If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal.  It’s science” (4/22)
“Men make counterfeit money; in many more cases, money makes counterfeit men” (4/22)
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Entry from September 09, 2016
“If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport”

"If assholes/idiots could fly, this place would be an airport” is a saying that has been printed on many images The saying reflects many workers’ opinions of their workplaces.

“If pigs could fly, Roker Park would be an airport” was printed in The Guardian (UK) on September 16, 1991. “If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport” was a popular T-shirt saying in 1993. “If idiots could fly, this would be an airport” was listed in “The Canonical List of Taglines” in November 1994. 

The saying also works if it’s being used by an airport employee or air traveler. “And if assholes could fly this would be an airport. Actually it is an airport” was posted on Twitter on September 27, 2013.


16 September 1991, The Guardian (UK), “Wing replacement gives Boro a flyer” by David Hoppe, pg. 14, col. 7:
IF PIGS could fly, Roker Park would be an airport.

Google Books
Mike Kelley:
Catholic Tastes

By Elisabeth Sussman, Mike Kelley and Richard Armstrong
New York, NY: Whitney Museum of American Art: Distributed by H.N. Abrams
1993
Pg. 218:
Some jokes specifically dealt with stress in the workplace, e.g., “If assholes could fly — this place would be an airport”, ...

8 June 1993. The News Journal (Wilmington, DE), pg. E1, col. 4:
TOP 10 BEACH T-SHIRTS FOR 1993
(...)
4. If (expletive deleted)s could fly, this place would be an airport

“The Canonical List of Taglines”
Maintained by Jascha Franklin-Hodge

Last Update: 1994/11/27 5:22pm EST
(...)
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Google Groups: alt.drugs.pot
if IDIOTS could fly this place would be an airport
PhiveWayz
3/11/99
if IDIOTS could fly this place would be an airport

sorry i saw this on a bumper sticker at PepBoys when i got my tires put on, and thought what with pete/curry and other trolls seeming to love us that it fit kinda nicely in reference to them.......phive

Google News Archive
9 June 2005, McCook (NE) Daily Gazette, pg. 6, col. 4:
Clean T-shirt, dirty message OK with court
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP)—The clean T-shirt with the dirty message wasn’t that foul after all.

An appeals court ruled Thursday that a judge was wrong to find a witness in a murder trial in contempt for wearing a shirt that read, “If (expletive) could fly this place would be an airport.”

Google Books
Man Walks into a Bar:
Over 6,000 of the Most Hilarious Jokes, Funniest Insults and Gut-Busting One-Liners

By Stephen Arnott and Mike Haskins
Berkeley, CA: Ulysses Press
2007
Pg. 227:
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Facebook
If retards could fly my school would be an airport
November 7, 2010

Google Books
The Snark Handbook: Insult Edition:
Comebacks, Taunts, and Effronteries

By Lawrence Dorfman
New York, NY: Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.
2013
Pg. ?:
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Twitter
jimmy
‏@jimmyedgar
And if assholes could fly this would be an airport. Actually it is an airport.
2:05 PM - 27 Sep 2013

Twitter
Samson
‏@SamualFElliott
If assholes could fly this place would be an airport.
This is an airport Sam.
Like I was saying…
1:33 PM - 29 Jul 2016

Twitter
Tony Gettler
‏@TravelinTonyG
If @$$holes could fly, this place would be an airport...oh, wait, this IS an airport.
8:03 AM - 1 Aug 2016
Georgia, USA

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityWork/Businesses • Friday, September 09, 2016 • Permalink