A plaque remaining from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem.

Above, a 1934 plaque from the Big Apple Night Club at West 135th Street and Seventh Avenue in Harlem. Discarded as trash in 2006.

Recent entries:
“As I get older, I remember all the people I’ve lost. Maybe a tour guide career wasn’t for me” (8/17)
“You should get an employee discount for using self-checkout in a store” (8/17)
“I felt bad, but then I installed a new version of office. It improved my outlook” (8/17)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (8/17)
Entry forthcoming—B.P. (8/17)
More new entries...

A  B  C  D  E  F  G  H  I  J  K  L  M  N  O  P  Q  R  S  T  U  V  W  X  Y  Z


Entry from August 10, 2016
“Do you want a Hurts donut?” (joke)

A popular donut oun is:

PERSON A: Do you want a Hertz?Hurts donut/doughnut?
PERSON B: Ummm, okay.
PERSON A (hurts other person): Hurts, don’t it?

The joke has been cited in print since at least 1967. A Springfield, Missouri “Hurts Donut Company” was trademarked in 2013.


25 December 1967, The Independent (Pasadena, CA), “Trojans, Hoosiers Take Off” by Dwain Esper, pg. 18, col. 2:
For instance in Sunday’s workout several of the players were yelling “Hurt donut.”

Pont (Indiana head football coach John Pont—ed.) was a little puzzled when one of the players came up to him and asked:

“Do you know what hurt donut means?”

“No,” Pont replied.

“It’s like this,” said the player, who them grabbed Pont’s arm and jabbed it with a knuckle.

“Hurts donut?” the player said to Pont.

26 December 1967, Indianapolis (IN) Star, pg. 31, col. 2:
‘A HERTZ DONUT’
Pont’s Relaxed Mien Surprises
(...)
They began asking each other ‘did you get your Hertz donut last night.’”

Pont’s curiosity finally got the best of him and asked them “what’s a Hertz donut?”. One of the players grabbed Pont’s arm with one hand, then hit the coach in the bicep with his fist. “Hurts, don’t it?” THe player laughed.

Google Books
Wayne’s World:
Extreme Close Up

By Mike Myers and Robin Ruzan
New York, NY: Cader
1992
Pg. 65:
I would draft a constitution in which no individual would have the right to hassle another individual (i.e. giving someone an Indian burn, a hurts donut, or a wedgie).

15 May 1978, Akron (OH) Beacon Journal, pg. B27, col. 3:
GOTCHA
Where It Hurts!
You say to a friend, “I am so hungry! I can really go for something to eat. Are you hungry?” Your friend will say, “Sure, I can eat something.” You say, “Want a Hertz donut?” You friend will say, “Ummm, yeah!” That’s when you give your friend a tender poke in the arm and say, “Hertz, donut?” (Hurts, don’t it?)

10 August 1996, Indianapolis (IN) Star, “I am not! My brother’s creepier” by Mike Redmond, pg. D1:
As soon as your defenses are down, that Big Boy is going to ask you if you want a Hertz doughnut. You will, of course, say yes, thinking you are about to get your first taste of something so elite that little kids don’t even know about it: A Hertz doughnut? What’s a Hertz doughnut? Then the Big Boy will grab your arm, give you an Indian burn and say, “Hurts, don’t it?”

Google Books
The Good Brother:
A Novel

By Chris Offutt
New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks
1997
Pg. 61:
Memory trickled through his mind like an underground stream against a limestone bed, finding its way through tiny cracks — Boyd asking if Virgil wanted a Hertz doughnut, then hitting him in the arm and saying, “Hurts, don’t it”

Google Books
Atomic Wedgies, Wet Willies & Other Acts of Roguery
By Greg Tananbaum and Dan Martin
Santa Monica, CA: Santa Monica Press
2005
Pg. 46:
DEFINITION Hertz Donut (hurts dOnut): Asking a person if he or she would like a “hertz donut” and, upon an affirmative reply, punching said person in the arm while asking, “Hurts, don’t it?”

Emporia (KS) Gazette
Hurts so good
By Regina Murphy
August 20, 2016
(...)
Back to the name. There is an old joke that children play on each other.

Child 1: “Hey! Do you want a Hurts Doughnut?” Child 2: “Sure!”
Child 1 punches Child 2 in the arm and says: “Hurts, don’t it?”

(Trademark)
Word Mark HURTS DONUT COMPANY
Goods and Services IC 035. US 100 101 102. G & S: Donut shop services. FIRST USE: 20130901. FIRST USE IN COMMERCE: 20130901
Mark Drawing Code (3) DESIGN PLUS WORDS, LETTERS, AND/OR NUMBERS
Design Search Code 08.01.09 - Bagels; Doughnuts (donuts)
10.07.04 - Bandages; Slings (orthopedic)
Serial Number 86437815
Filing Date October 29, 2014
Current Basis 1A
Original Filing Basis 1A
Published for Opposition May 12, 2015
Registration Number 4780774
Registration Date July 28, 2015
Owner (REGISTRANT) Clegg, Timothy INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES 2101 W Chesterfield BLVD 41 Springfield MISSOURI 65807
(REGISTRANT) Bussard, Scott INDIVIDUAL UNITED STATES 2101 W Chesterfield BLVD 41 Springfield MISSOURI 65807
Attorney of Record Raj Abhyanker
Disclaimer NO CLAIM IS MADE TO THE EXCLUSIVE RIGHT TO USE “DONUT COMPANY” APART FROM THE MARK AS SHOWN
Description of Mark Color is not claimed as a feature of the mark. The mark consists of the word “HURTS” written in stylized format and directly below this is a drawing of a glazed donut wherein there is a adhesive bandage on the front left side of the donut. Below the glazed donut is the word “DONUT” written in stylized form and below this is the word “COMPANY” written in stylized form.
Type of Mark SERVICE MARK
Register PRINCIPAL
Live/Dead Indicator LIVE

Posted by Barry Popik
New York CityFood/Drink • Wednesday, August 10, 2016 • Permalink